For the Moment Friends

Processed with VSCO with c3 presetProcessed with VSCO with c3 presetProcessed with VSCO with m5 presetWe are lifelong friends. Yup, that’s right, friends literally since birth [if you missed the story of us, check it out here]. Over the last nearly 3 decades, however, we have needed to make friends outside of each other since we went to different colleges, lived in different parts of the country, have had different jobs, etc. Through these experiences we’ve come to learn that sometimes a friendship is simply for the moment. Sometimes you make a friend because you need one, and this person serves a purpose in your life and you serve one in theirs.

Saying that someone serves a purpose in your life sounds a bit harsh but really it’s the simplest way of saying that this person comes into your life for the right reason at the right time, even if he or she wasn’t meant to be a your new best friend forever. It’s honestly kind of crazy how this happens when you really think back and reflect on why this person came into your life. It’s just like any relationship, however since we have experienced this more than once, we’ve realized that things really do happen for a reason.

Hey everyone, Sweetness here! I wanted to give my perspective on “there for the moment” friends. There was a time when I was newly single and all of my friends were in relationships. I really “needed” someone to be my single counterpart to go out with and experience this new single life with. This friend came into my life and the relationship was just simply that – we would go out, meet new people, talk about all the troubles of being single together and really use each other for that daily support. One day, this friend got into a romantic relationship and our friendship ended up fading out. Disappointed at first, I came to realize that it wasn’t meant to be a “lifelong” friendship. Our personalities and life values were different, however it was exactly what I needed for that specific moment in time. I needed someone to help get me used to single life again and for me to be able to lean on someone that was going through the same thing. Now that more time has passed, I am feeling much better about my situation and happy that this friendship has moved on!

And as for me, Sass, well I was the first to have a baby in our core group of ladies so I needed someone I could lean on that would truly understand what I was going through. I realized right away how quickly people forget what it’s like to have a newborn, even those who have children! The newborn phase is the longest shortest period (so far anyway) but it is also pretty grueling. Anyway, the point is that I connected with a woman who was previously a mere acquaintance but who had had a baby only a few days before I did. For awhile there it seemed like she was the only person who really felt my pain, my struggles, and my successes as a new mom. It also helped that she was the only person in my world who was awake feeding a crying baby every 2 hours throughout the night….we did our best chatting between 2 and 6am! In the last few months we’ve since gotten the hang of this mommin’ thing and chat less often but I know that I can go to her when I need to vent, to see if something happening to me or the babe is “normal,” and for general mom advice. So, for the moment, she was my lifeline and late-night feeding bestie and while we may not be lifelong, see you every weekend, chat all the time friends, for the moment we were there for each other.

We believe that a “for the moment” bestie, just like any other relationship, can come and go as needed which makes this friendship ultimately a positive one! It can sound negative that a friendship would only be temporary or meaningful to simply serve a purpose but the commonality in both of our examples is that we each needed something that the counterpart in our examples seemed to need too! And who knows, maybe we will need a Saturday night wing woman or a 3am feeding bestie again in the future and these friendships come back around. Or more realistically, maybe Sweetness and her for the moment friend reconnect when they are both in the same place in life or Sass and her for the moment friend have their 2nd baby at the same time and these friendships become deeper once again. The point is that for the moment these friendships were everything and they will either be friendships that come back around or perhaps they were simply there for that one moment in time to help us get by. Because after all, we get by with a little help from our friends.

 

Xo Sass and Sweetness 

5 Types of Friends you Should Remove

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Processed with VSCO with c3 presetThis topic is a tough one because it’s going to sound harsh, however we really want to make it positive and inspiring. The point behind it is to remove any negativity from your life and to realize that the types of friends we are describing below don’t deserve to be your friend for one reason or another. If being friends with someone is “hard work” or “stressful” then why are you friends with them? Friendship should be easy, rewarding, supportive, and fun. It shouldn’t contain jealousy, bullying, or blame. Now again keeping in mind that friendship is a relationship so there will be points of conflict or disagreement, however in small doses and for valid reasons. If you do find yourself involved with a friend that we describe below, we think it is best for you to move on from that friendship. Let us know if you agree!

 

  1. The friend that creates drama

 

Luckily for both of us, these friends have been long gone since high school! No one wants someone that is always drama filled, especially as life continues to get harder as we get older. These types of people feed off of drama and almost need it in their life. If you find that your friend is always starting an argument with you from something very insignificant or you are always walking on eggshells with this person, you should say bye bye bye.

  1. The friend that chooses a man over you

Ohhh this is a personal favorite!! We could go on and on about this one but we will keep it as short as possible. It’s exactly what it seems… a friend that constantly chooses a man over you does not deserve to be your friend. Now there is a difference (and trust us we aren’t completely innocent with this one); friends are going to hang out with their significant others, it’s a given. The difference though is if you make plans with this friend and then they either cancel because their man suddenly became available or they try to be sneaky and make some sort of excuses to why they can’t hang out. Also, if you had a single friend that suddenly gets into a relationship and you never hear from them again, tell them you hope that relationship lasts because you won’t be here if they try to come crawling back! (too harsh? Nah!)

  1. The flake friend

Somewhat similar to above where this person suddenly cancels plans, however it might not be because they are in a relationship. They just cancel for no reason and “disappear” for a few weeks before they resurface again. They can’t be relied on and you should not fully commit your Saturday night to them because chances are … they will cancel. It is like they almost make plans with you and then decide to go elsewhere if there’s a better option for them. We don’t recommend keeping a friend like this in your life, however if you do, you should set the expectation with yourself ahead of time that they probably won’t stick to the plan.

  1. The friend that doesn’t reciprocate support

This is the friend that expects support from you, however does not give it in return. They expect for you to be available and to be there for them at the drop of a hat, however when you suddenly need them, they aren’t there. A friendship is a two way street and you should equally be there for each other. At one point or another one of you will need the strength of the other person, that’s what friendship is for! Also, even in regards to going out and having fun. If someone is constantly expecting you to come out with them when they invite you, however when you invite them and they don’t come out, is that even a friendship anyway?

5. The friend that has bad habits 

We all have flaws, however this friend has some bad habits that might suddenly start affecting your life. Whether they party too much, don’t take care of themselves, or are constantly negative; you may find that their habits are starting to have an affect on your own life. Someone that is always wanting to go out in the middle of the week may be hard to say no to at first. If you find that you are now falling under their influence and it is something that you do not agree with, it is okay to be selfish and choose yourself over them!

 

 

Making Friends at (nearly) 30 Years Old

winery3The funny thing about making friends later in life is that we didn’t think we’d be faced with doing so. We don’t know about you but we made our friends and then figured, “That’s it, no new friends!” But the thing is that we do have to keep evolving and meeting new people. We make new friends at work, at the gym, in mommy circles, online, in our communities, etc, etc.

Making friends at (almost) 30 is easier in some ways, and harder in others, than it was when we were in middle school, high school, or college. It’s easier because we are more secure in who we are. Our lives won’t be over if someone doesn’t like us, which is how you might feel when you’re younger. We have a little less #FOMO and a little more, we gon do what we want, thanks. We think that self-security and confidence is what attracts people to you. It’s cliche but it’s true, you just have to be yourself. Anyone who has survived middle school, high school, and college can sniff out a phony in an instant. A phony doesn’t make friends well past a certain age because who has time nowadays for any of that?!

winery1So ironically enough, it’s a little harder to make friends now for the same reason as it is easier. Ladies, what the heck are you talking about? Well in our younger years, the easiest way to make friends was to conform. You find out what the group likes, doesn’t like, and you adapt and say that you feel the same way. Conforming gives you instant friends, not best friends or meaningful friends, but hey, you’ve got em! In this case, we’re a little too old for that. Not only do we not have the time to be anything but ourselves but we are too mature and less willing to settle for anything but a meaningful relationship.

We also believe that in our specific case, we definitely are less likely to conform for any new friendship because we know we have our solid ya-ya friendships in our back pocket. Any new friend is a bonus to what we already have with our core group of women. The women that we’ve been friends with for 10, 15, 20, or like us 30 years now.

winery2Anyway, we’ve talked quite a bit about what it’s like to make a friend later in life as far as being in a situation where making a new friend is on the horizon. What we mean by that is that we’ve discussed what it’s like to make a new friend when the situation is in front of us. What we haven’t yet touched upon is how it can be challenging later in life to make a new friend when you need one because well, life is life. When we were younger there was school, teams, and clubs designed to help people make friends. Now, as adults of course clubs and teams do exist but don’t you feel like most often people go into those scenarios with their friends?! It takes courage to walk solo into a club or group and attempt to make friends versus walking in with a posse of people!

winery4So, all of that being said, we want to hear from you! Do you find it challenging to make friends later in life? What do you find to be the biggest challenge? Have you successfully made new friends? What worked for you? Comment below and let us know whatever you think about this topic because we know there’s someone out there who feels the same….and is perhaps looking for a friend!

Xo Sass & Sweetness

5 Friends You Need in Your Life

So we’ve talked about the types of friends that there are but …we are getting even more specific and talking about the 5 types of friends you NEED in your life and why. Each type brings something to the table and if you don’t already have a friend like this in your life then post an ad, get on Bumble for Friends, and find one asap!

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1.The BLUNT Friend

You know, the friend that will go straight up to the guy that’s hitting on you and tell him to buzz off because she already knows you’re not interested. Also the one that’s not afraid to tell you that you are wayyyy better than the guy that only responds to your every other text and calls only at 2am to “hang out”. Or the one that says, nope do.not.go.in.public.in.that.dress.

Trust us, she means it in the best way possible. This friend is not afraid to tell you (or others) how it is. She is a protector and a truth teller. She also gives you a nice little kick in the rear and brings you back to reality when you are not thinking so clearly. You might even be this type of friend to your friends and guess what? They are lucky to have you so keep being that blunt badass that you are! (and duh! Sass happens to be this friend!)

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2. The Supportive Friend

This friend is always there to listen. So are your other friends, but this friend really truly gets it. She sits and listens to what’s bothering you and empathizes with your struggles and pain. The key word here is empathize. She actually feels what you feel, whether it’s because she went through something similar or she can at least relate in the most meaningful way possible. This is someone you can call at anytime and at the drop of a hat they will be there.

Most importantly, she supports your decisions even if she doesn’t fully agree. She will be by your side to pick you back up if you fall or help celebrate your happiness. Let’s just say the name Samantha (aka Sweetness) doesn’t mean good listener for nothing! 😉

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  1. The Adventurous Friend

It’s so easy to get stuck in our ways and do the same thing so this friend is necessary to shake things up! She suggests ideas that mightttt be intimidating at first but after you do it, you realize that was a good f*ing time! She might be spontaneous and have last minute ideas or she’s the one planning your next year of trips, concerts, and excursions. At times you’ll hate her and all of the ideas she’ll throw at you. You’ll be exhausted and will feel lazy but if you don’t go, trust us you’ll have FOMO.

You need this friend to help you create memories beyond what’s happening in your own backyard. She’ll help you check off your bucket list items and teach you a thing or two at the same time. So the next time she asks you to go backpacking in Antarctica, we suggest you should go!

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  1. The Healthy Friend

At times you might think this friend is psycho or even extreme but deep down you know it’s all in good health. You also slightlyyy wish you had her same ability to resist eating a piece of bread or run 5 miles without breaking a sweat. Most of us try our best to be healthy and workout, however this friend takes it to a new level! Whether she goes to the gym everyday, runs in races, or is even vegan, you need a friend like this in your life. She will keep you on track and inspire you to live a healthier lifestyle!

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  1. The Funny Friend

This friend constantly sends you funny memes and always has the perfect sarcastic response to pretty much anything. She makes an awkward situation not awkward and makes you pee your pants with her humor. Having a bad day? Call this friend up and I’m sure she will be able to come up with something that turns your frown upside down.

When you are out, you can always count on her to be the life of the party! She’s goofy, keeps things interesting, and sometimes makes you want to hide behind your hands with her outbursts! Some of the best memories and inside jokes come from this type of friend, however we often find that we can all be the funny friend at times!

Do you already have these friends in your life? We would love to hear what you think!

 

Xo Sass and Sweetness 

 

 

5 Fun Things to do with your Friends

Do you find that you and your friends often fall into the same habits of going to the same bar, the same restaurant, in the same town, and at the same time? Because we are soooo guilty of this, we thought it would be a good idea to put together some unique, but still fun ideas to do with your friends! And though we are firm believers that being regimented is a good thing, when it comes to fun, it shouldn’t just become a habit… it should be adventurous!

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  1. Find a pop up event

We recently went to The Rosé Mansion in NYC, which is a pop up wine tasting. The event is only in the city from June-October and we wanted to take advantage of something unique! We got to try 8 different rosés from around the world in a wine tasting type setting, however each room that we went into was a fun, colorful representation of where that wine was from. We were our typical awkward selves posing for pictures taken by random people, but we definitely got some good laughs and kept saying in our heads that we will never see these people again eekk. So we encourage you to get a group together and find a pop up near you!

  1. Goat Yoga

Because taking a regular yoga class isn’t that cool right?! Lol just kidding but Goat Yoga allows for a whole different experience. If you haven’t done it, it is basically a bunch of baby goats that jump on your back and try to eat your yoga pants while you are in downward dog. Okay we know Lululemons are expensive but it’s easy to use the goats as an excuse for why your plank is slanted. At least the goats are cute and furry and it’s a great time to get in some laughs and take selfies with your friends. So find the nearest farm and bond over yoga and goats. We zen mother f’ers!

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  1. Winery Picnic

There is a winery in our area, okay well it’s an uber drive away, that has live music and a food truck. You are also able to pack your own food and can purchase bottles (x3) of their wine right there. Instead of going to a bar, it is a fun way to be outdoors and pack a picnic of your favorite food with your friends. And you know we love wine so it sounds like a win win situation to us! So get your basket and your most basic bitch fall outfits ready and uber to a winery near you.

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  1. Girls Night In

Does anyone do this anymore? Is it weird to go over your friend’s house and just hang out like we did when we were in high school? Well we are bringing it back bitches and making the most pinterest filled girls night your eyes have ever seen. A popcorn bar sounded like a good time so we put together some cute baskets and displayed toppings to add to your popcorn. We also created our own wine glass charms and made it feel like the real move experience with popcorn boxes. And what movie did we watch? A classic – Now and Then. It was the perfect representation of our childhood and life now, so seemed appropriate. Also our friends wouldn’t let us watch The Sound of Music … those bitches. Oh and did we forget the best part? We dressed in our PJ’s and drank wine. Does it get better than that? So organize a Girl’s NIght In and get wild, pillow fights are encouraged.

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5. Sports Event

Who said going to a sports game is a male only event?! We recently attended the FedEx Cup, which is part of the PGA Tour. It was the two of us and two of our other girlfriends. We honestly did not know what to expect because none of us have been to a golf outing before, but let us tell you – it was soooo much fun!  There were drink and food tents everywhere and big name brands were sponsoring the event. They even had a Kendra Scott section where you could play a game and Sass won a bracelet! It was a hot day, however we stayed cool inside the MasterCard tent and pretended to know what was happening during the golf game. Even if you aren’t a big sports fan, we recommended getting out of your comfort zone and trying something new!

What are some fun things that you do with your friends? We would love to hear your ideas so comment below!!
Xo Sass and Sweetness

The Different Types of Friends

We are so glad that you are getting to know our friendship. We shared with you our backstory and how our friendship has evolved over the last (nearly) 30 years. We have the type of friendship that at times we would classify as inseparable, at others more of a “cousin” relationship, and one that right now is somewhere in between. We have our own lives but have come together on this blog journey in a way that is different from any other point in our lives. While we could talk about our friendship all day, we want to make sure we talk about the other types of friendships that are out there. Throughout this month we are going to deep dive into many but here’s an overview that we think you will all be able to relate to!

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The Historical Friendship: We have friends today that remain our friends because of a shared history. The bond you create with someone growing up, going through the trials and tribulations is one of the strongest bonds you can create. This friendship is based on the “remember whens” and the “I couldn’t believe we did thats!” If you met this friend today you might even say, “Nah, no thanks, not my type of person” but since the bond was already created it’s not going anywhere!

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The High and Low-Maintenance Friendship: When we say that someone is a high-maintenance friend, what we mean is that this friendship requires a ton of TLC; constant check-ins, long conversations, regular meetups, etc. And while that may sound like any other friendship, the difference is that this friendship wouldn’t survive without it! Some friendships can always pick up where they left off, or go long periods of time without talking and be fine aka the low-maintenance friendships but high-maintenance friendships require constant care. On the flip side, we have some friendships that we would say are almost too low maintenance for their own good! Because we know the friendship is always solid no matter what we are not as prompted to seek it out and often find ourselves missing these friendships!

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The Where We Are Now Friendship: We make friends in various stages of life. When we’re single it’s nice to have other single friends to go out with it and share the dating experiences with. When we get married, it’s nice to have married friends, and when we have a baby, it’s necessary to have mama friends. There are many examples of the “where we are now friendships” but to put it simply, we seek friendships that we can relate to. We want to know that someone else is experiencing something similar and there is great power and comfort in knowing that you are experiencing that something similar at the exact same time. It’s why women who have kids the same age form incredible bonds and why you might become friends with someone who has a significant other in the same or similar profession as yours! (i.e. the spouse of anyone in law enforcement or medicine). And for that matter, why you might befriend others in YOUR same industry, especially those industries that are high-stress or have differing schedules. Bottom line is that we want friendships and people in our lives that make what we’re going through feel normal!

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The Need Something Friendship: At first glance this might seem like a negative friendship but it’s really not! What we mean by this type of friendship is that this friend knows you so well and always has your back so you know when you go to her that she is going to give you exactly what you need at the moment. Sometimes you might need support, other times you might need a kick in the ass, or maybe you just need a good laugh. Whatever you need, he or she knows what it is and is happy to oblige. Just remember to return the favor!

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The Let’s Get Wasted Friendship: As we get older this friend may become less necessary or more necessary depending on how you look at it! Since it seems that we are unable to live life like our previous 22-year old rockstar selves, we are theoretically “partying” much less and therefore the friendship that is based on this behavior may not last or be as necessary. But on the other hand, since life is 10x more stressful than it was at 22, when you just got to go get drunk you NEED this friendship. We may call upon it less often but when we need it, we really need it!

And last but certainly not least, The Social Media Friendship: We all have those “friendships” that are only maintained because of social media. If not for the ability to “like,” “share,” or comment on his or her photo of her cat or new car we probably wouldn’t know much about this person any longer. It’s a blessing and a curse if you ask us! But also through this blog we are learning that it is possible to have strictly “Internet Friendships” that are completely normal, happy, and healthy in a completely anti-Catfish way. We love creating bonds with friends all over the country (and the world for that matter) through social media. DM us, email us, comment at us because we want to be friends with you too!

So, yes, there are a gazillion types of friendships out there and we only touched on a few. But the true beauty of friendship is that for the people in it it works!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

Why a Quality Friendship is the Most Important

“My friends have made the story of my life” is such a powerful quote by Helen Keller. We can both agree that this statement could not be more true in soooo many ways. Friends have come in and out of our lives, however for us at least – the most important ones have been there for a long time and are here to stay.

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Looking back on our childhood, high school, and college days we can paint a picture of how our friends have impacted us in good and bad ways. How they have made us happy, made us cry and disappointed us; supported us through the toughest of times, and have just been a companion. Between all of those emotions and feelings, there have been friends that were short term, but for us, we remember the long term friends. The ones that you almost don’t even consider a friend, but more family. The ones who know you in and out; who will challenge you and might even drive you crazy, but at the end of the day, they are there for you.

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They are there to support you when no one else will. They feel your pain, understand your struggles, but will always make you laugh. Not just HA HA – but legit ground rolling belly laughs, until you almost pee your pants. And it doesn’t matter where you are – whether the floor of someone’s living room or in the middle of a club. You could sit in silence for hours or have the deepest conversation and they will get it. They understand you and they don’t judge you. They will offer the hardest, toughest advice because they know it is for your benefit. They know your worth and what you deserve. They are there for you and you are there for them.

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So what are these friends? These are QUALITY friends. These are the types of friends we choose to have because we value this support, it is like no other. It is different than a sibling or a mother even though the closeness seems the same. We choose these friends because we want them there for life – for the break ups, marriages, babies, deaths and losses. We want them there for the exciting and the tragic and guess what? They WANT to be there. No flakes here please!

So we choose QUALITY over QUANTITY. Because quantity to us seems transactional. It seems drama-filled (dare we say that?). It’s too much to keep up with, too many calls, too many problems, too many events. And everyone has a different role with quantity. There might be the going to dinner friend, the boy drama friend, the mall friend, the gym friend, the get wasted drunk friend, the every other month friend, the once a year friend. AH!!!!

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For us – we know that quality suits us. Why? Mostly because we are quality friends to each other but also because we have found over the years that our quality friends have been the best of our friends. They are every type of friend in one. They provide the best memories, the best support and have no expectations in return. OUR friends have made (and continue to make) the story of our lives.

Xo Sass and Sweetness