Making Friends at (nearly) 30 Years Old

winery3The funny thing about making friends later in life is that we didn’t think we’d be faced with doing so. We don’t know about you but we made our friends and then figured, “That’s it, no new friends!” But the thing is that we do have to keep evolving and meeting new people. We make new friends at work, at the gym, in mommy circles, online, in our communities, etc, etc.

Making friends at (almost) 30 is easier in some ways, and harder in others, than it was when we were in middle school, high school, or college. It’s easier because we are more secure in who we are. Our lives won’t be over if someone doesn’t like us, which is how you might feel when you’re younger. We have a little less #FOMO and a little more, we gon do what we want, thanks. We think that self-security and confidence is what attracts people to you. It’s cliche but it’s true, you just have to be yourself. Anyone who has survived middle school, high school, and college can sniff out a phony in an instant. A phony doesn’t make friends well past a certain age because who has time nowadays for any of that?!

winery1So ironically enough, it’s a little harder to make friends now for the same reason as it is easier. Ladies, what the heck are you talking about? Well in our younger years, the easiest way to make friends was to conform. You find out what the group likes, doesn’t like, and you adapt and say that you feel the same way. Conforming gives you instant friends, not best friends or meaningful friends, but hey, you’ve got em! In this case, we’re a little too old for that. Not only do we not have the time to be anything but ourselves but we are too mature and less willing to settle for anything but a meaningful relationship.

We also believe that in our specific case, we definitely are less likely to conform for any new friendship because we know we have our solid ya-ya friendships in our back pocket. Any new friend is a bonus to what we already have with our core group of women. The women that we’ve been friends with for 10, 15, 20, or like us 30 years now.

winery2Anyway, we’ve talked quite a bit about what it’s like to make a friend later in life as far as being in a situation where making a new friend is on the horizon. What we mean by that is that we’ve discussed what it’s like to make a new friend when the situation is in front of us. What we haven’t yet touched upon is how it can be challenging later in life to make a new friend when you need one because well, life is life. When we were younger there was school, teams, and clubs designed to help people make friends. Now, as adults of course clubs and teams do exist but don’t you feel like most often people go into those scenarios with their friends?! It takes courage to walk solo into a club or group and attempt to make friends versus walking in with a posse of people!

winery4So, all of that being said, we want to hear from you! Do you find it challenging to make friends later in life? What do you find to be the biggest challenge? Have you successfully made new friends? What worked for you? Comment below and let us know whatever you think about this topic because we know there’s someone out there who feels the same….and is perhaps looking for a friend!

Xo Sass & Sweetness

5 Friends You Need in Your Life

So we’ve talked about the types of friends that there are but …we are getting even more specific and talking about the 5 types of friends you NEED in your life and why. Each type brings something to the table and if you don’t already have a friend like this in your life then post an ad, get on Bumble for Friends, and find one asap!

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1.The BLUNT Friend

You know, the friend that will go straight up to the guy that’s hitting on you and tell him to buzz off because she already knows you’re not interested. Also the one that’s not afraid to tell you that you are wayyyy better than the guy that only responds to your every other text and calls only at 2am to “hang out”. Or the one that says, nope do.not.go.in.public.in.that.dress.

Trust us, she means it in the best way possible. This friend is not afraid to tell you (or others) how it is. She is a protector and a truth teller. She also gives you a nice little kick in the rear and brings you back to reality when you are not thinking so clearly. You might even be this type of friend to your friends and guess what? They are lucky to have you so keep being that blunt badass that you are! (and duh! Sass happens to be this friend!)

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2. The Supportive Friend

This friend is always there to listen. So are your other friends, but this friend really truly gets it. She sits and listens to what’s bothering you and empathizes with your struggles and pain. The key word here is empathize. She actually feels what you feel, whether it’s because she went through something similar or she can at least relate in the most meaningful way possible. This is someone you can call at anytime and at the drop of a hat they will be there.

Most importantly, she supports your decisions even if she doesn’t fully agree. She will be by your side to pick you back up if you fall or help celebrate your happiness. Let’s just say the name Samantha (aka Sweetness) doesn’t mean good listener for nothing! 😉

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  1. The Adventurous Friend

It’s so easy to get stuck in our ways and do the same thing so this friend is necessary to shake things up! She suggests ideas that mightttt be intimidating at first but after you do it, you realize that was a good f*ing time! She might be spontaneous and have last minute ideas or she’s the one planning your next year of trips, concerts, and excursions. At times you’ll hate her and all of the ideas she’ll throw at you. You’ll be exhausted and will feel lazy but if you don’t go, trust us you’ll have FOMO.

You need this friend to help you create memories beyond what’s happening in your own backyard. She’ll help you check off your bucket list items and teach you a thing or two at the same time. So the next time she asks you to go backpacking in Antarctica, we suggest you should go!

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  1. The Healthy Friend

At times you might think this friend is psycho or even extreme but deep down you know it’s all in good health. You also slightlyyy wish you had her same ability to resist eating a piece of bread or run 5 miles without breaking a sweat. Most of us try our best to be healthy and workout, however this friend takes it to a new level! Whether she goes to the gym everyday, runs in races, or is even vegan, you need a friend like this in your life. She will keep you on track and inspire you to live a healthier lifestyle!

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  1. The Funny Friend

This friend constantly sends you funny memes and always has the perfect sarcastic response to pretty much anything. She makes an awkward situation not awkward and makes you pee your pants with her humor. Having a bad day? Call this friend up and I’m sure she will be able to come up with something that turns your frown upside down.

When you are out, you can always count on her to be the life of the party! She’s goofy, keeps things interesting, and sometimes makes you want to hide behind your hands with her outbursts! Some of the best memories and inside jokes come from this type of friend, however we often find that we can all be the funny friend at times!

Do you already have these friends in your life? We would love to hear what you think!

 

Xo Sass and Sweetness 

 

 

The Different Types of Friends

We are so glad that you are getting to know our friendship. We shared with you our backstory and how our friendship has evolved over the last (nearly) 30 years. We have the type of friendship that at times we would classify as inseparable, at others more of a “cousin” relationship, and one that right now is somewhere in between. We have our own lives but have come together on this blog journey in a way that is different from any other point in our lives. While we could talk about our friendship all day, we want to make sure we talk about the other types of friendships that are out there. Throughout this month we are going to deep dive into many but here’s an overview that we think you will all be able to relate to!

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The Historical Friendship: We have friends today that remain our friends because of a shared history. The bond you create with someone growing up, going through the trials and tribulations is one of the strongest bonds you can create. This friendship is based on the “remember whens” and the “I couldn’t believe we did thats!” If you met this friend today you might even say, “Nah, no thanks, not my type of person” but since the bond was already created it’s not going anywhere!

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The High and Low-Maintenance Friendship: When we say that someone is a high-maintenance friend, what we mean is that this friendship requires a ton of TLC; constant check-ins, long conversations, regular meetups, etc. And while that may sound like any other friendship, the difference is that this friendship wouldn’t survive without it! Some friendships can always pick up where they left off, or go long periods of time without talking and be fine aka the low-maintenance friendships but high-maintenance friendships require constant care. On the flip side, we have some friendships that we would say are almost too low maintenance for their own good! Because we know the friendship is always solid no matter what we are not as prompted to seek it out and often find ourselves missing these friendships!

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The Where We Are Now Friendship: We make friends in various stages of life. When we’re single it’s nice to have other single friends to go out with it and share the dating experiences with. When we get married, it’s nice to have married friends, and when we have a baby, it’s necessary to have mama friends. There are many examples of the “where we are now friendships” but to put it simply, we seek friendships that we can relate to. We want to know that someone else is experiencing something similar and there is great power and comfort in knowing that you are experiencing that something similar at the exact same time. It’s why women who have kids the same age form incredible bonds and why you might become friends with someone who has a significant other in the same or similar profession as yours! (i.e. the spouse of anyone in law enforcement or medicine). And for that matter, why you might befriend others in YOUR same industry, especially those industries that are high-stress or have differing schedules. Bottom line is that we want friendships and people in our lives that make what we’re going through feel normal!

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The Need Something Friendship: At first glance this might seem like a negative friendship but it’s really not! What we mean by this type of friendship is that this friend knows you so well and always has your back so you know when you go to her that she is going to give you exactly what you need at the moment. Sometimes you might need support, other times you might need a kick in the ass, or maybe you just need a good laugh. Whatever you need, he or she knows what it is and is happy to oblige. Just remember to return the favor!

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The Let’s Get Wasted Friendship: As we get older this friend may become less necessary or more necessary depending on how you look at it! Since it seems that we are unable to live life like our previous 22-year old rockstar selves, we are theoretically “partying” much less and therefore the friendship that is based on this behavior may not last or be as necessary. But on the other hand, since life is 10x more stressful than it was at 22, when you just got to go get drunk you NEED this friendship. We may call upon it less often but when we need it, we really need it!

And last but certainly not least, The Social Media Friendship: We all have those “friendships” that are only maintained because of social media. If not for the ability to “like,” “share,” or comment on his or her photo of her cat or new car we probably wouldn’t know much about this person any longer. It’s a blessing and a curse if you ask us! But also through this blog we are learning that it is possible to have strictly “Internet Friendships” that are completely normal, happy, and healthy in a completely anti-Catfish way. We love creating bonds with friends all over the country (and the world for that matter) through social media. DM us, email us, comment at us because we want to be friends with you too!

So, yes, there are a gazillion types of friendships out there and we only touched on a few. But the true beauty of friendship is that for the people in it it works!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

Why a Quality Friendship is the Most Important

“My friends have made the story of my life” is such a powerful quote by Helen Keller. We can both agree that this statement could not be more true in soooo many ways. Friends have come in and out of our lives, however for us at least – the most important ones have been there for a long time and are here to stay.

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Looking back on our childhood, high school, and college days we can paint a picture of how our friends have impacted us in good and bad ways. How they have made us happy, made us cry and disappointed us; supported us through the toughest of times, and have just been a companion. Between all of those emotions and feelings, there have been friends that were short term, but for us, we remember the long term friends. The ones that you almost don’t even consider a friend, but more family. The ones who know you in and out; who will challenge you and might even drive you crazy, but at the end of the day, they are there for you.

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They are there to support you when no one else will. They feel your pain, understand your struggles, but will always make you laugh. Not just HA HA – but legit ground rolling belly laughs, until you almost pee your pants. And it doesn’t matter where you are – whether the floor of someone’s living room or in the middle of a club. You could sit in silence for hours or have the deepest conversation and they will get it. They understand you and they don’t judge you. They will offer the hardest, toughest advice because they know it is for your benefit. They know your worth and what you deserve. They are there for you and you are there for them.

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So what are these friends? These are QUALITY friends. These are the types of friends we choose to have because we value this support, it is like no other. It is different than a sibling or a mother even though the closeness seems the same. We choose these friends because we want them there for life – for the break ups, marriages, babies, deaths and losses. We want them there for the exciting and the tragic and guess what? They WANT to be there. No flakes here please!

So we choose QUALITY over QUANTITY. Because quantity to us seems transactional. It seems drama-filled (dare we say that?). It’s too much to keep up with, too many calls, too many problems, too many events. And everyone has a different role with quantity. There might be the going to dinner friend, the boy drama friend, the mall friend, the gym friend, the get wasted drunk friend, the every other month friend, the once a year friend. AH!!!!

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For us – we know that quality suits us. Why? Mostly because we are quality friends to each other but also because we have found over the years that our quality friends have been the best of our friends. They are every type of friend in one. They provide the best memories, the best support and have no expectations in return. OUR friends have made (and continue to make) the story of our lives.

Xo Sass and Sweetness

Our Friendship

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For those who don’t know us – we are Christie and Samantha or Sass and Sweetness! We are besties that grew up together, literally our moms were pregnant at the same time and we are exactly 29 days apart (Sweetness the older one – holla!). Our childhood was ordinary in the sense that we grew up with loving parents, had an abundance of toys, and took gymnastics lessons. What was extraordinary about our childhood was the confidence we had as kids and imaginations that were unlike any other.

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As kids we often went to “Camp Mom-mom and Pop-pop”… which is code for our parents wanted to go out so they would send us to Christie’s grandparents house. There were no ordinary rules here though and we could use our imaginations to the fullest! We built forts with all of the couch cushions, transformed the living room into the Beverly Hills Restaurant with fake food and dining tables, and went to the nearby park to perform shows on the outdoor stage in front of total strangers… all with no shame. We also “ruled” the playground at our Elementary school – walking around like total #girlbosses. If only we could have bottled that confidence up and sprinkled it on us as we got older!

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We were inseparable as kids, until our parents moved to different towns and that relationship started to change. Not in a bad way, but we didn’t see each other every.single.day like we did before. New friendships were made, new experiences were had. Sass went to an all girl’s private high school where Friday nights consisted of PG-13 movies with friends in the basement and Sweetness… let’s just say she had a much different experience. We always “stayed in touch” but our relationship transitioned more into “cousin” type of friends. We saw each other for family events and always picked up where we left off, but weren’t calling each other when there was some drama with a boy or if we wanted to go to the mall.

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As we moved through college and life as of today, our relationship has changed back to what it was before! With so many of our close friends getting married (including Sass), we have been able to get together more often than we were before since we lived in different states. When we both relocated back to NJ and decided to start this blog, our imaginations have sparked again and we are back to our silly, weird old selves.

…Okay well there are some hesitations with that prior statement… because of LIFE and ADULTING ughhhh. We both recently went through some drastic changes – Sass is newly married with a baby and Sweetness is newly single and moved back to NJ from the West Coast. Things have been tough at times, it’s not always the rule the playground type of days we had back in our childhood, however we are pushing to work through it all. We are now there for each other in a different type of way. You won’t see us building forts anymore in the middle of the living room (well if that was acceptable we probably would) but we always have each other’s back no matter the situation. We know this type of friendship is rare and we are incredibly grateful that despite all of the changes we have experienced, we still continue to be the best of friends!

Do you have a friendship similar to this? We would love to hear about it below!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

How To Be a Great Father

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This Father’s Day is a little extra special for Sass as this is the first time I am celebrating my husband as a father. I am fortunate enough to have had amazing examples of what a wonderful father is throughout my entire life but how I relate to what it means to be a father has taken on a different meaning now as a mother rather than simply a daughter.

Being a great father is all of the things everyone always says – father’s should be attentive, nurturing, loving, supportive, moral, etc etc, however, this father’s day I am going to go ahead and say that being a great father starts with being a great husband. Now, being a great husband is going to mean different things to different people but I’m going to share my 5 and a ½ months experience on this and how I came to believe it.

During the first few months of parenthood it is pretty easy to do right by your kid. I’m not saying that by any means it has been easy being a new parent but basically as long as she is fed, rested, burped, changed, and bathed she’s pretty happy and healthy. When you think of it as simply as that, as long as those things are happening you are a great parent.

Now in my house I generally do more of the feeding, burping, changing, and bathing because that is how we have it set up and what we have agreed upon. My husband definitely does a fair share of the duties but considering I am with her all day and most of the night before he gets home from work, one of the best ways he can be a great parent to her is by making sure that I am fed, rested, bathed, perhaps not burped and changed, but you get the picture!

When you become a mom your needs become secondary and I can’t tell you how wonderful it is when my husband responds to my needs when I am unable to do so for myself. Especially really early on when I was breastfeeding around the clock, my body was recovering, and I was extremely sleep deprived. There is no time to breathe, eat, bathe, or make a phone call let alone care about what’s for dinner! He was so great about stepping in when I couldn’t hold my head up, when I was breaking down in overwhelmed tears, and about ordering me to eat even when I didn’t have the energy to. Nowadays, he gives me time to see when my friends when possible or take a few hours to run errands….by myself 🙂

I’ve come to learn that being a great father can mean knowing when to not start a fight with mama! It’s giving mama a break when she needs it, sending her to get her nails done, or making dinner. Being a great father is letting mom off the hook when he’s out of clean socks or when our routine doesn’t go as planned. My husband is a great father to our baby girl and I am happy to say that that is in part because he is a great husband to me. 

I wanted to give him a few things to let him know how great of a job he’s doing taking care of his girls! My husband speaks Spanish fluently and we definitely want our daughter to learn so I found a really cool website that makes personalized books in Spanish. The site adds in his picture and all three of our names to the pages of a story about a little girl and her daddy. It’s too cute and he can’t wait to read it to her! (The books can also be personalized in English!)

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Knowing that we would be traveling to see my husband’s two brothers and many cousins this weekend, I thought a game would be perfect! These guys play more games when they get together than the kids do! They are so competitive but always have a great time. I picked up Bean Bag Bucketz from Dick’s Sporting Goods. There are four ways to play this game but I am certain that no matter how they play it will turn into a drinking game LOL. I’ll post some videos to our stories of them in action!

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My husband LIVES in tech shirts! He lounges in them, works out in them, cooks in them, and even goes out in them on occasion. They are the perfect shirt for him because he is a pretty big guy and these allow him to move and be active without any restraint! The material is perfect! I picked up a couple of new Under Armour Tech Shirts from Dick’s Sporting Goods – they are even on sale right now!

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And lastly, my husband loves his Qalo ring but lost it and needed another one! If your husband resists wearing a ring because it’s uncomfortable or because his type of work makes it dangerous or annoying to have metal on his finger YOU NEED A QALO. What is it? It is a silicon wedding band, as seen on Steph Curry, Sam Hung, Bryce Harper, and many others! They are very functional, my husband can barely feel that it’s on! We call it his “work ring” because I still like him to wear his nice wedding band for special occasions or a Saturday night out (because those have become special occasions too)! There are many color and personalization options that you are sure to find something he likes, you can even create your own! And the best part is, when he leaves it at the gym, it’s only $20-30 to replace! Woo!

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So keep some of these gift ideas in mind for next year or for his birthday and we hope all of the dads have a wonderful Father’s Day today!

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