Adjusting to Your Surroundings After Moving

Move1Is there anything worse than being so far removed from your routine that you don’t even feel like you anymore?! We think not! When you move, this can be the case for quite some time until you get unpacked and adjusted to your new surroundings. This might also be something, as Sweetness mentioned in our last post to think about BEFORE you move! As people who have moved many times we are very familiar with all that changes and want to impart our wisdom on those who have an upcoming move, hope to move in the future, or to simply commiserate with those of you who have shared in this experience!

With just about every move we’ve made we can recall the mounds of boxes, bubble wrap, tape, and trips to Bed, Bath, and Beyond for more plastic containers and drawer organizers! Moving is chaotic even for the most organized of us. No matter how organized you are, like Sass, the box labeling psychopath (yes, she even color codes her markers by which room the box should go into), at the end of the day all of your stuff that’s in boxes and suitcases has to come out and go into some new “place” in your space that you probably haven’t quite figured out yet. Depending on your situation or how much stuff you have, this process can takes days, weeks, dare we say months?!

Move 3Moving can also mean chaos for your physical and mental health. You’ve probably just come off of take-out for a few days since you packed up your kitchen and emptied the fridge and are coming into a few more days of take-out until you’ve unpacked your kitchen and found your new grocery store. We don’t know about you but this is one of the most challenging parts about moving for us…being out of our normal food routine! Ugh. It could also mean that you’ve taken a few days off from the gym because well, packing is exercise, right? But mainly, moving is exhausting!

Basically, the natural chaos and stress of any move combined with a complete diversion from your routine can wreak havoc on your body. One of the first things we do when we move to a new place is look up ahead of time where the nearest grocery store is and where we’ll be exercising whether it’s a new gym or a yoga spot around the corner, just figure it out and book a class…any class! Even if it means dropping the full box of shoes you still need to unpack… your body and your mind will thank you.

It might seem silly but I (Sass here), can recall very specifically the moment after one of our moves in DC when I made a big salad at home, opened a bottle of wine and poured it into a wine glass (rather than a paper cup), and sat down on the couch to enjoy and watch an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. It was blissful. It was routine. It was normal. This is the part about moving that we love…when it’s over!

Move 2It might seem obvious but it’s the little things in life that don’t seem so little when suddenly everything is new. New doctors, new delivery options, new workout spot, new drug store, new parking space, and new trash pickup nights (this one gets us every time). And then of course there are the bigger things but usually we are prepared for those, which is ironic, isn’t it? New job, new friends, new commute, new time zone, or a new distance from home. These are the big ones that usually determine how long you will stay in this new place because as adults we get over the little things but sometimes the big ones can make or break our experience in a new place.

So it’s okay to take time to adjust, to try a few nail salons, to ask the “locals” for the best sushi spot, however it will take time to get the hang of this new routine. Being patient is probably the most important part of moving and trying not to stress out about certain things. The more prepared you are and the more research you’ve done the better off you may be, however things will not always go as planned so it’s better to be prepared for the unexpected!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

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How Meeting “The One” Changes Your Life

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So we’ve gone through all the breakups, eaten all the pizza, kissed all the frogs, and finally found the one. Now what? Some of us will make the decision to marry this person and that’s what we’re here to talk about today….marriage and all that comes with it!

SoOo, hey there, Sass here! As of today I have been with my husband for 6 years and we are 21 months into marriage. That being said, if you are a gazillion years into marriage, or simply in it longer than we are, take everything below with a grain of salt as I am sure I will read this years from now and laugh at myself…

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When You Know, You Know
When you ask most people, “So how did you know he/she was the one?” We are often met by the same response, “Ah well, when you know, you know.” I definitely subscribe to gut feelings and I too experienced this sense of cosmic “knowing” about my husband. However, I could also analyze our relationship and know that we aligned. Relationships do not often fail because of differing religious viewpoints, differing wants on children, smoking, or any of the “big ticket items,” as I call them, because when people differ on these aspects of life most often the relationship never begins in the first place. In my experience, relationships fail because of differing viewpoints on lifestyle, money, and affection. When two people generally share the same hopes, dreams, and goals for how you want life to be things tend to work out. For example, it could be difficult for a relationship to thrive when one person loves to travel and the other couldn’t care less, when one person wants to be social all the time and the other is a constant homebody, when you have a morning versus a night person, a clean versus messy person, someone who craves physically affection and a partner who isn’t into it, or when you have differing opinions on how to spend money. I truly believe that the “smaller ticket items” build up over time and eventually someone (or both people) explode.

That being said, my husband is messy and I am neat, he is very social and I am more of a homebody BUT I think what people mean by “when you know, you know,” is that you experience these differences in every relationship but you know it’s “the one” because this person makes compromises for you. And equally important, you see that you are willing and happy to compromise for him/her.

My husband and I also share the same values and are on the same page about our big life picture. We both appreciate and love to travel, we both want family to be a big part of our lives, and we both understand that while we like nice things, buying our first home is the priority and limit our spending accordingly. We are not going to get in arguments about credit card charges, public versus private school for our daughter, or seeing family on holidays, as examples.

So, yes, I knew I was in love with him, physically attracted to him, and enjoyed my time with him but when it came to deciding whether or not to marry him, I knew that the vision of what I wanted my life to look like very closely aligned to his vision of his life. This was a big indication to me that we could make this darn thing work for the long haul.

The Big Day
My husband and I have huge families and lots of friends so the decision to do a destination wedding came pretty easily to us. We needed a way to simplify our big day and keep it “small” without insulting a large part of our extended circles. In a perfect world would we have had everyone there, of course, but we simply couldn’t afford it. And I’ll be very honest with you, growing up in New Jersey and having attended some of the most beautiful and extravagant weddings I knew that even if we took the 80 people that we had in Mexico to a venue in NJ, we would not have afforded the type of wedding that I pictured in my head in my teens and early 20s. I needed to make our wedding so different from the $100,000-500,000 weddings that I’d seen in my younger years in order to not feel like my wedding wasn’t as nice or as glam or as beautiful.

So, we took our wedding to Mexico and let the beach be our backdrop and the party and vacation with our friends and family take the place of the over the top centerpieces, the big band, and the king crab leg cocktail hour. It’s not that I didn’t want these things, and I am not mocking those that have this type of wedding, I just knew we wouldn’t have been able to do it to the level that I would have wanted so we made it completely different. Ultimately the entire party was dancing before the salads were served and we had an incredible time. So 21 months later, I’m not bothered by the simple white flower centerpieces and I can’t remember what I ate so there’s that. It’s true what they say though, it is a blur so try to enjoy it in the moment as much as possible!

Love and Marriage
I’m finding it difficult to adequately put into words the wonderful aspects of marriage other than to say that I know I have a partner for life. This is such a secure, wonderful feeling but rather than type out a bunch of lovey dovey stuff about my marriage and my love for my husband I’m going to let two songs do the talking:

“Home” by Phillip Phillips (our wedding song):
Hold on, to me as we go, as we roll down this unfamiliar road. And although this wave is stringing us along, just know you’re not alone, ’cause I’m going to make this place your home.

“Feel the Tide” by Mumford and Sons (one of “our songs”):
It’s you and I now, we can be alright, just hold onto what we know is true. You and I now, though it’s cold inside, feel the tide turning…

I think you get the picture: we’re in this together, I love him more than I can describe, and we always have each other’s backs. Done and done.

The Challenges
Welp, there isn’t enough time or space to go through the challenges of marriage but I’ll share some of the most relevant ones to me right now. My husband feels loved through food and while it seems like an easy enough thing to make happen, sometimes getting dinner on the table feels like running a marathon. While on my own I could eat hummus for dinner, in order to keep my marriage happy and healthy, I generally need to get dinner on the table even when it means sacrificing other errands, chores, or a workout class for me. It’s just one of those things, ya know?

Secondly, having a baby has presented all sorts of new challenges and I think the biggest one is that as a first time mom, I have experienced so many changes in the last 18 months (including pregnancy and now my daughter is 9 months), that my husband literally cannot relate to. He can be and is supportive of me but there’s no biological way for him to truly understand how I feel mentally, emotionally, and physically and that.is.hard. He is my go-to guy for everything and in this instance, we have had to accept that there are aspects of my life now that I sometimes need to turn to someone other than him to work through, which has been an adjustment.

I can continue with specifics but overall, it comes down to making choices, decisions, and compromises for another person even when you don’t want to. It is more challenging than I first realized to balance standing my ground with knowing that at the end of the day being right takes down the other person, the person I love most in the world. Years ago my husband and I were arguing about something, I can’t remember what, and my mom said to me, “Christie, I know. I get it. But in being right and ‘winning’ this argument means that he, your person, loses. And as much as you believe and know you’re right, is it worth him losing?” That is something I try to keep in mind when we have disagreements because disagreements are always going to be there but it’s how we work through them that make or break us. We are not perfect but I have one of those marriages where even when we argue I always know that “we’re fine.” If you have this, you know what I mean. Having the “we’re always fine” thing is our confidence in our foundation and I’m just not sure what I’d do without it.

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Change
So, we think it’s pretty obvious how your life changes when you get married. You go from doing what you want, when you want, to making decisions together, spending money together, bringing babies into the world together. Everything is suddenly about the togetherness! But not only does your life change when you get married but your marriage changes as your life changes. So.much.change. Sass is going through this now with her husband and learning how the marriage changes with having a kid. She is also learning what it means to have “married couple friends,” and how to balance the wild and crazy single nights out with Sweetness! But when it comes down to it, all of the change and all of the challenges are worth it for the marriage, for your friends, for your family, and for us as individuals!

So tell us what marriage means to you! What’s the secret sauce to making your marriage work? What is most challenging for you right now? Or what are you most looking forward to in marriage? Are you choosing not to get married? We want to hear from you! Leave a comment here or on our Instagram!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

 

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Dealing with Changes After a Breakup

Processed with VSCO with c3 presetAh breakups. The hardest part about a breakup is… well… everything. Whether it is for better or worse, breaking up and dealing with the after effects is definitely not easy, regardless of the situation. Though breakups are often thought of as negative, we do want to discuss how it can have a positive impact on you, even if you don’t see it right away. So we are sharing how the changes associated with a variety of different breakups can teach you lessons and change your life in a good way!

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So let’s look at this from a few different perspectives. Let’s say in the first scenario, you were just not that into the guy. You may be dating him for companionship or because it is “easy” or “safe” but you don’t see the long term with this person. Sooo you end it and think things will be all honky dory… and they’re not. You may feel sad because you are now alone, however you may also feel guilty that you hurt someone else’s feelings. Either way these are totally normal feelings, however in this situation you have to be a little selfish. If you weren’t truly happy with this person then it was the right decision to end things! You are the one that needs to make the appropriate changes to get what you want out of life. The feelings of loneliness will only be temporary and the guy you broke up with is a big boy and will move on… at some point. So in this situation it is important to tear off the bandaid and don’t settle!

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Next scenario… someone that you were really into broke up with you. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it sucks. It is okay to cry, mourn, deal with the pain. After the breakup happens, you are going to be reminded of this person all.the.time. You are going to compare other guys to him all.the.time. Do we want to lie and say oh it will be fine and easy?! Hell no! It is going to be straight up plain hard. But guess what?? There was a reason this happened. This was not meant to be and you will find out why one day, even if it’s in a few days, a year, or 10 years from now. And maybe you even know the reason why but you are trying to deny it in your head. Either way, some days will be hard, however when you keep busy and surround yourself with the ones that truly love and care about you, you will see that is how you should be treated all the time. The guy that you end up marrying will worship you and will want to be with you no matter what. So though this change is going to suck, trust us there’s plenty of benefits in the long run!

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The last scenario is probably the hardest. You are in a relationship that is not healthy and regardless of who makes the break, it won’t be an easy one. The feelings and changes you experience will go far beyond heartbreak. You may experience a loss in confidence or motivation. You may not feel like yourself and be hidden in your shell. You might not know how to live life without this person anymore, and we don’t mean in a good way. If you were in a relationship with someone that was controlling, jealous, or even abusive, there are unfortunately going to be a lot of after effects. Moving on from a relationship like this is tough and finding yourself again is even tougher. One of the best recommendations we can make is to start doing the things YOU enjoy. Do what made YOU happy before this relationship started or before it turned south. You will start to realize that you turned into a person that wasn’t you and you need to make sure you take care of yourself first! Also talking to someone is extremely helpful whether it be a professional or even just a friend! Making these small changes to get back to where you used to be are extremely important! You will find that you’ll become a much happier, healthier, and better version of yourself not being in an unhealthy relationship anymore.

We hope that you find some of these suggestions and reasons insightful! Whether it applies to you or someone you might know, it is most important to have support during a break up… but there’s always pizza too! So hold your heads up pretty ladies and start making small changes day by day – because you deserve to be treated like a queen!!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

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How Relationship Changes Affect your Life

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Processed with VSCO with c3 presetEnding and starting new relationships comes with a large amount of changes. Whether they are positive or negative changes, it’s crazy how others impact your life in so many ways. We have both experienced a lot of changes recently, especially in our romantic relationships and friendships. Some of the changes have been very good, others not so much. We are sharing how we are adapting and to let you know you are not alone!

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Sass:

Hola, Sass here! Change has become my middle name these past few years. After going to college in Washington, DC I decided to stay there for “a little while” until I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life. In that time, I met my now husband and “a little while” turned into 5 more years. After we got engaged in 2015, a short while later we relocated to Boston, MA. The year we spent in Boston was one of our best years yet! We didn’t know many people and had no family around so we spent a lot of quality time together. In the months leading up to our wedding, it was wonderful to have this alone time together and to learn that even when it’s just the two of us around we are very happy!

We got married in January 2017 and by April I was pregnant! Wah! So, we were then faced with a decision: do we stay in Boston where we’ve been very happy and jobs are great or do we move closer to family in time for the baby to arrive? Welp, you guessed it, we moved to NJ a year ago September to prepare for the baby. In moving to NJ, since we did it rather quickly, we moved in with my parents. It was enough being pregnant and moving, let alone pregnant, moving, and settling into a new house of our own so we decided to wait a bit. And then finally by January our baby girl was born and she is now 9 months.

So, just a couple of C-H-A-N-G-E-S recently, huh? In the last 3 years I have gone from single to engaged, from living in Washington, DC, Boston, MA, and now New Jersey. Engaged to married. Married and living in the perfect apartment in a little bubble with my husband to living with my parents and from a carefree 20-something to a nearly 30 year old with a baby! Oh and I almost forgot to mention that I went from a corporate job that I held for 5 years to now working from home. This is certainly the glossed over version but the dirty details of all of these changes are coming in the following posts this month. I’ll be sharing how all of these changes make me feel, how they affect my friendships and other relationships, and so much more.

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Sweetness:

Hey everyone, it’s Sweetness! One of the biggest changes I went through a little over a year ago was when my relationship with my fiance ended. It was (and sometimes still is) one of the hardest times in my life. I was so used to basically being his wife, living and sleeping with him, even working together with him. We had been together for 5 years and had been through sooo much together that it was tough to just wake up and not have this person in my life anymore.

He was my best friend, the person I turned to, the person that made me laugh. However, we had experienced a lot of trauma through our relationship and I had moved across the country to California to be with him. Being in a new state, with no friends or family of my own was very tough and because we didn’t always get along, it made everything so much more difficult. I was torn between wanting to make our relationship work, however also missed my family and friends back in New Jersey.

When I moved back to NJ, I was experiencing all of my own changes, however my friends were also going through changes, like marriage and babies! I was adapting to my new life, new job, and experiencing a different dynamic between me and my friends. They weren’t as “available” anymore and I often felt alone, like I was the only person going through this. These changes greatly impacted me emotionally and physically and I often felt it was tough to get by.

Now things have started to fall into place, but I would be lying if I said I don’t question if the decision I made was the right one. It’s funny how a negative change can also have a positive outcome. Have I fully seen the positive outcome yet? I don’t think so, however I have felt more like myself again and still hold on to the hope that things will turn out to be okay! As our “changes” blog posts continue, I will continue to share how I have been affected in a negative and positive way and hope that someone else out there that may be going through something similar doesn’t feel alone and can relate!

Friends, stay tuned this month! We’ll be sharing the details of the many changes we have both experienced over the last several years and what these changes mean for our futures! Make sure to let us know what you’re going through; it’s always nice to know there are women out there going through the same things!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

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5 Friends You Need in Your Life

So we’ve talked about the types of friends that there are but …we are getting even more specific and talking about the 5 types of friends you NEED in your life and why. Each type brings something to the table and if you don’t already have a friend like this in your life then post an ad, get on Bumble for Friends, and find one asap!

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1.The BLUNT Friend

You know, the friend that will go straight up to the guy that’s hitting on you and tell him to buzz off because she already knows you’re not interested. Also the one that’s not afraid to tell you that you are wayyyy better than the guy that only responds to your every other text and calls only at 2am to “hang out”. Or the one that says, nope do.not.go.in.public.in.that.dress.

Trust us, she means it in the best way possible. This friend is not afraid to tell you (or others) how it is. She is a protector and a truth teller. She also gives you a nice little kick in the rear and brings you back to reality when you are not thinking so clearly. You might even be this type of friend to your friends and guess what? They are lucky to have you so keep being that blunt badass that you are! (and duh! Sass happens to be this friend!)

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2. The Supportive Friend

This friend is always there to listen. So are your other friends, but this friend really truly gets it. She sits and listens to what’s bothering you and empathizes with your struggles and pain. The key word here is empathize. She actually feels what you feel, whether it’s because she went through something similar or she can at least relate in the most meaningful way possible. This is someone you can call at anytime and at the drop of a hat they will be there.

Most importantly, she supports your decisions even if she doesn’t fully agree. She will be by your side to pick you back up if you fall or help celebrate your happiness. Let’s just say the name Samantha (aka Sweetness) doesn’t mean good listener for nothing! 😉

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  1. The Adventurous Friend

It’s so easy to get stuck in our ways and do the same thing so this friend is necessary to shake things up! She suggests ideas that mightttt be intimidating at first but after you do it, you realize that was a good f*ing time! She might be spontaneous and have last minute ideas or she’s the one planning your next year of trips, concerts, and excursions. At times you’ll hate her and all of the ideas she’ll throw at you. You’ll be exhausted and will feel lazy but if you don’t go, trust us you’ll have FOMO.

You need this friend to help you create memories beyond what’s happening in your own backyard. She’ll help you check off your bucket list items and teach you a thing or two at the same time. So the next time she asks you to go backpacking in Antarctica, we suggest you should go!

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  1. The Healthy Friend

At times you might think this friend is psycho or even extreme but deep down you know it’s all in good health. You also slightlyyy wish you had her same ability to resist eating a piece of bread or run 5 miles without breaking a sweat. Most of us try our best to be healthy and workout, however this friend takes it to a new level! Whether she goes to the gym everyday, runs in races, or is even vegan, you need a friend like this in your life. She will keep you on track and inspire you to live a healthier lifestyle!

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  1. The Funny Friend

This friend constantly sends you funny memes and always has the perfect sarcastic response to pretty much anything. She makes an awkward situation not awkward and makes you pee your pants with her humor. Having a bad day? Call this friend up and I’m sure she will be able to come up with something that turns your frown upside down.

When you are out, you can always count on her to be the life of the party! She’s goofy, keeps things interesting, and sometimes makes you want to hide behind your hands with her outbursts! Some of the best memories and inside jokes come from this type of friend, however we often find that we can all be the funny friend at times!

Do you already have these friends in your life? We would love to hear what you think!

 

Xo Sass and Sweetness 

 

 

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Why a Quality Friendship is the Most Important

“My friends have made the story of my life” is such a powerful quote by Helen Keller. We can both agree that this statement could not be more true in soooo many ways. Friends have come in and out of our lives, however for us at least – the most important ones have been there for a long time and are here to stay.

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Looking back on our childhood, high school, and college days we can paint a picture of how our friends have impacted us in good and bad ways. How they have made us happy, made us cry and disappointed us; supported us through the toughest of times, and have just been a companion. Between all of those emotions and feelings, there have been friends that were short term, but for us, we remember the long term friends. The ones that you almost don’t even consider a friend, but more family. The ones who know you in and out; who will challenge you and might even drive you crazy, but at the end of the day, they are there for you.

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They are there to support you when no one else will. They feel your pain, understand your struggles, but will always make you laugh. Not just HA HA – but legit ground rolling belly laughs, until you almost pee your pants. And it doesn’t matter where you are – whether the floor of someone’s living room or in the middle of a club. You could sit in silence for hours or have the deepest conversation and they will get it. They understand you and they don’t judge you. They will offer the hardest, toughest advice because they know it is for your benefit. They know your worth and what you deserve. They are there for you and you are there for them.

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So what are these friends? These are QUALITY friends. These are the types of friends we choose to have because we value this support, it is like no other. It is different than a sibling or a mother even though the closeness seems the same. We choose these friends because we want them there for life – for the break ups, marriages, babies, deaths and losses. We want them there for the exciting and the tragic and guess what? They WANT to be there. No flakes here please!

So we choose QUALITY over QUANTITY. Because quantity to us seems transactional. It seems drama-filled (dare we say that?). It’s too much to keep up with, too many calls, too many problems, too many events. And everyone has a different role with quantity. There might be the going to dinner friend, the boy drama friend, the mall friend, the gym friend, the get wasted drunk friend, the every other month friend, the once a year friend. AH!!!!

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For us – we know that quality suits us. Why? Mostly because we are quality friends to each other but also because we have found over the years that our quality friends have been the best of our friends. They are every type of friend in one. They provide the best memories, the best support and have no expectations in return. OUR friends have made (and continue to make) the story of our lives.

Xo Sass and Sweetness

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Why we are Ready for Fall!

summer1summer3summer4summer2We’ve been seeing articles everywhere about the “Summertime Blues” and how the end of summer can drastically impact your mood. While we can both understand the reasons why this might occur, Sass and Sweetness are in a different boat over here! We are actually happy to let summer go and welcome fall with open arms. So we are sharing some of our last summer pictures and sharing why we are ready for fall!

We recently posted a picture mentioning the end of summer and we received a comment by someone who got very technical with things. They made sure to let us know that summer doesn’t end until September 21st… and while we appreciate this person for stating the true facts (there’s sarcasm here), we [mentally] feel that summer ends when August ends and when the school year starts. Neither of us are in school, but it’s just a subconscious thought that we automatically reset and get back in the groove of things when school goes back in session.

Fall is personally Sweetness’ favorite season but there are so many things that we can both agree that Fall offers. It’s time for a new start, a new beginning. Not in a New Year’s resolution type of way, but we seem to get back on a regular schedule and be more structured… again it must be the subconsciousness of “going back to school”.

It allows for new outfit changes and to be those basic bitches that we are… the leggings, over the knee boots, cozy sweaters, and structured hats. Do we dare say we are excited for pumpkin spice lattes too? Well we generally don’t drink those (just like toooo much sugar) but yes – it’s the pumpkin spice everything and the color of the leaves changing that is more romantic and cozy.

Though the temperature is dropping, the outdoor activities are now different than just going to the beach. There’s Oktoberfest, Chowder fest, and pretty much any other type of festival under the sun. We can go to pumpkin patches, apple picking, and eat apple cider donuts without having to worry about being in a bathing suit anytime soon. And we can’t forget about some of our favorite shows that are starting in the Fall:

  • Ozark (August 31st)
  • Shameless (September 9th)
  • This is Us (September 25th)
  • Modern Family (September 26th)
  • Ray Donovan (October 28th)
  • House of Cards (November 2nd)

So goodbye summer and hello fall! We need an excuse to binge watch TV without feeling guilty it’s a beautiful, sunny day outside. Oh wait… it literally rained the whole summer so keeping our fingers crossed that fall also brings drier weather and frizz free hair!

Are you excited for fall or are you experiencing summertime sadness?

Xo Sass and Sweetness

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