Dealing with Changes After a Breakup

Processed with VSCO with c3 presetAh breakups. The hardest part about a breakup is… well… everything. Whether it is for better or worse, breaking up and dealing with the after effects is definitely not easy, regardless of the situation. Though breakups are often thought of as negative, we do want to discuss how it can have a positive impact on you, even if you don’t see it right away. So we are sharing how the changes associated with a variety of different breakups can teach you lessons and change your life in a good way!

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So let’s look at this from a few different perspectives. Let’s say in the first scenario, you were just not that into the guy. You may be dating him for companionship or because it is “easy” or “safe” but you don’t see the long term with this person. Sooo you end it and think things will be all honky dory… and they’re not. You may feel sad because you are now alone, however you may also feel guilty that you hurt someone else’s feelings. Either way these are totally normal feelings, however in this situation you have to be a little selfish. If you weren’t truly happy with this person then it was the right decision to end things! You are the one that needs to make the appropriate changes to get what you want out of life. The feelings of loneliness will only be temporary and the guy you broke up with is a big boy and will move on… at some point. So in this situation it is important to tear off the bandaid and don’t settle!

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Next scenario… someone that you were really into broke up with you. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it sucks. It is okay to cry, mourn, deal with the pain. After the breakup happens, you are going to be reminded of this person all.the.time. You are going to compare other guys to him all.the.time. Do we want to lie and say oh it will be fine and easy?! Hell no! It is going to be straight up plain hard. But guess what?? There was a reason this happened. This was not meant to be and you will find out why one day, even if it’s in a few days, a year, or 10 years from now. And maybe you even know the reason why but you are trying to deny it in your head. Either way, some days will be hard, however when you keep busy and surround yourself with the ones that truly love and care about you, you will see that is how you should be treated all the time. The guy that you end up marrying will worship you and will want to be with you no matter what. So though this change is going to suck, trust us there’s plenty of benefits in the long run!

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The last scenario is probably the hardest. You are in a relationship that is not healthy and regardless of who makes the break, it won’t be an easy one. The feelings and changes you experience will go far beyond heartbreak. You may experience a loss in confidence or motivation. You may not feel like yourself and be hidden in your shell. You might not know how to live life without this person anymore, and we don’t mean in a good way. If you were in a relationship with someone that was controlling, jealous, or even abusive, there are unfortunately going to be a lot of after effects. Moving on from a relationship like this is tough and finding yourself again is even tougher. One of the best recommendations we can make is to start doing the things YOU enjoy. Do what made YOU happy before this relationship started or before it turned south. You will start to realize that you turned into a person that wasn’t you and you need to make sure you take care of yourself first! Also talking to someone is extremely helpful whether it be a professional or even just a friend! Making these small changes to get back to where you used to be are extremely important! You will find that you’ll become a much happier, healthier, and better version of yourself not being in an unhealthy relationship anymore.

We hope that you find some of these suggestions and reasons insightful! Whether it applies to you or someone you might know, it is most important to have support during a break up… but there’s always pizza too! So hold your heads up pretty ladies and start making small changes day by day – because you deserve to be treated like a queen!!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

How Relationship Changes Affect your Life

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Processed with VSCO with c3 presetEnding and starting new relationships comes with a large amount of changes. Whether they are positive or negative changes, it’s crazy how others impact your life in so many ways. We have both experienced a lot of changes recently, especially in our romantic relationships and friendships. Some of the changes have been very good, others not so much. We are sharing how we are adapting and to let you know you are not alone!

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Sass:

Hola, Sass here! Change has become my middle name these past few years. After going to college in Washington, DC I decided to stay there for “a little while” until I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life. In that time, I met my now husband and “a little while” turned into 5 more years. After we got engaged in 2015, a short while later we relocated to Boston, MA. The year we spent in Boston was one of our best years yet! We didn’t know many people and had no family around so we spent a lot of quality time together. In the months leading up to our wedding, it was wonderful to have this alone time together and to learn that even when it’s just the two of us around we are very happy!

We got married in January 2017 and by April I was pregnant! Wah! So, we were then faced with a decision: do we stay in Boston where we’ve been very happy and jobs are great or do we move closer to family in time for the baby to arrive? Welp, you guessed it, we moved to NJ a year ago September to prepare for the baby. In moving to NJ, since we did it rather quickly, we moved in with my parents. It was enough being pregnant and moving, let alone pregnant, moving, and settling into a new house of our own so we decided to wait a bit. And then finally by January our baby girl was born and she is now 9 months.

So, just a couple of C-H-A-N-G-E-S recently, huh? In the last 3 years I have gone from single to engaged, from living in Washington, DC, Boston, MA, and now New Jersey. Engaged to married. Married and living in the perfect apartment in a little bubble with my husband to living with my parents and from a carefree 20-something to a nearly 30 year old with a baby! Oh and I almost forgot to mention that I went from a corporate job that I held for 5 years to now working from home. This is certainly the glossed over version but the dirty details of all of these changes are coming in the following posts this month. I’ll be sharing how all of these changes make me feel, how they affect my friendships and other relationships, and so much more.

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Sweetness:

Hey everyone, it’s Sweetness! One of the biggest changes I went through a little over a year ago was when my relationship with my fiance ended. It was (and sometimes still is) one of the hardest times in my life. I was so used to basically being his wife, living and sleeping with him, even working together with him. We had been together for 5 years and had been through sooo much together that it was tough to just wake up and not have this person in my life anymore.

He was my best friend, the person I turned to, the person that made me laugh. However, we had experienced a lot of trauma through our relationship and I had moved across the country to California to be with him. Being in a new state, with no friends or family of my own was very tough and because we didn’t always get along, it made everything so much more difficult. I was torn between wanting to make our relationship work, however also missed my family and friends back in New Jersey.

When I moved back to NJ, I was experiencing all of my own changes, however my friends were also going through changes, like marriage and babies! I was adapting to my new life, new job, and experiencing a different dynamic between me and my friends. They weren’t as “available” anymore and I often felt alone, like I was the only person going through this. These changes greatly impacted me emotionally and physically and I often felt it was tough to get by.

Now things have started to fall into place, but I would be lying if I said I don’t question if the decision I made was the right one. It’s funny how a negative change can also have a positive outcome. Have I fully seen the positive outcome yet? I don’t think so, however I have felt more like myself again and still hold on to the hope that things will turn out to be okay! As our “changes” blog posts continue, I will continue to share how I have been affected in a negative and positive way and hope that someone else out there that may be going through something similar doesn’t feel alone and can relate!

Friends, stay tuned this month! We’ll be sharing the details of the many changes we have both experienced over the last several years and what these changes mean for our futures! Make sure to let us know what you’re going through; it’s always nice to know there are women out there going through the same things!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

Being Weird with Your Friends

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IMG_1198Does this post describe us or does it describe us!?! If we had to pick one trait that describes our friendship, we think we would both choose weird haha! We have been friends since birth (literally though – you can read more about it here) so that allows for us to completely be ourselves with one another. We can be having a perfectly normal conversation and then it somehow breaks out into a song about the topic we are discussing. We can talk in our “British” accents to each other like it is completely normal and suddenly speaking in our normal voices to one another is… not normal lol. We think that being weird with your friends is rad and it allows you to be the best version of yourself!

So being weird with friends means you are literally being yourself with no judgement… like at all. You can do the strangest things and make each other laugh so hard that if you actually pee your pants. And if you do pee your pants, your friend would laugh even harder. You should be able to do and say whatever comes to mind even if it’s ridiculous, I’m sure you friends will find it hilariously funny! Being weird is where inside jokes and great memories come from.

In addition to the weirdness, you should also be able to look like a movie star or look like complete crap and your friends won’t care. They will accept you with no makeup, circles under your eyes, and greasy hair. They won’t get jealous either if you are all glammed up and look like a complete bombshell. They just accept you for you, weirdness and all.

We are weird, we hope that you are weird and maybe one day, we can all be weird friends together! What are some weird things you do with your friends? We would love to hear your funny stories and we hope you enjoyed our weirdest photos!!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

5 Reasons Why You Should Travel with Friends

Traveling with friends seems like a no brainer. It’s a chance to get away and just have a good time with your closest peeps! We feel pretty lucky to have had the opportunity to travel with our friends to a variety of different places. We’ve been around the US and even out of the country and have learned A LOT about each other during our travels. For the most part we have always had positive experiences and have grown a lot closer to each other. We feel that to maintain a great relationship with your friends and to create even greater memories, you should definitely travel with them and here’s why!

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  1. You’ll have the ultimate bonding experience

Like duhhh but it’s true. There’s nothing like bonding with your friends when you are forced to be with them 24/7. You are doing the same activities, eating meals, and feeling exhausted and grumpy together, as well as showering, changing, and going to the bathroom all in the same tiny hotel room. And since you are sleeping the same room, you will most likely end up laying in bed and talking for a million hours before you actually go to sleep. We’ve had some of the most meaningful and deep conversations this way and are so grateful for these types of experiences!

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  1. You will learn each other’s routines

As stated before you are with these people pretty much the whole vacation. It allows for you to get a good understanding of their morning and evening routines and even understand some of their personal habits. You will see them at their worst (no makeup, dirty hair, maybe hung over) but also at their very best (in awe of a sight or glammed up ready to go out)! You might even get some inspo from your friends based on their own routine and products that they use. For example – traveling with Sass quickly taught all of us that she is definitely not a morning person and we all learned that Sweetness has this crazy night time routine that requires removing her makeup no matter the time or intoxication level.

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  1. You’ll get comfortable… real fast

So there’s a lot of things that happen on the regular that as friends we don’t see all the time. However, when we are traveling, some things just can’t be avoided. Like pooping. Yes, girls poop and when they are all staying together over a long period of time, you end up having to poop in the same bathroom. You can either be discreet and try to hide it (minus the smell) or you just announce you are pooping and understand that at some point, everyone else will too. Also changing in front of each other brings a whole other comfort level like never before. Whether you are able to strip down in front of everyone or you go into the bathroom to get changed, there’s going to be some point in the trip where you are getting somewhat naked in front of your friends.

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  1. You might have a scuffle!

If you are like us and have never really fought with your friends before, be prepared because when you travel together, things can take a different turn. Not saying that you will get in a full blown argument, however you will realize that everyone will have different opinions on what they want to do and how much money they want to spend. We recommend figuring this out before you actually go away so everyone can be on the same page, however be prepared that there could be a small disagreement. There will be times when you have to make some sacrifices, but your friend might make them for you as well so it’s important to understand that!

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  1. You’ll learn how to share again!

Now as adults we rarely have to share our belongings with other people like we did when we were in high school and college. When you travel though, we can guarantee you one of your friends will ask to use something of yours! Whether it’s using your hairspray or borrowing an entire outfit, be prepared to share! Sharing is caring 😉 Butttt what if you don’t want to share the item your friend is asking about? Well that leaves you in a tough spot, however if you will be with your friend during their borrowing time, at least you can keep an eye on your item!

Have you traveled with your friends? Share where you went and a highlight from your trip below!

Xo Sass and Sweetness 

Work Friends: Did We Just Become Best Friends?!

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How could we forget about work friends?! They are the ones that get you through the 9-5, the ones that you can roll your eyes at when your boss pisses you off, and the only ones that truly understand how freakin’ annoying Sue is over in Accounting (sorry Sue). We believe that work friends come in all different varieties and no matter how you look at it, they are definitely needed!

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Creating A Bond

Work is a huge part of our lives and whether you love or hate what you do, if you’re human, you have moments when you just have to vent about a client, a project, or co-worker (cough Sue cough). In our experience, there is nothing quite like the bond of people at work that have a shared negative experience, a shared pet peeve, or a common enemy. This may not be our proudest or most positive revelation but it’s certainly an honest one. You might at first tip toe around each other, sending out feelers for how that person feels and as soon as the discovery is made that you’re on the same page….LOOK OUT! The floodgates are open! Any opportunity you have to commiserate over the issue, the project, or mostly like the person, you take it and while it kinda feels bad, doesn’t it also feel really good?! This person becomes irreplaceable because unlike venting to your sigo or friend, you don’t have to explain the who, what, and where’s of the story before getting to the annoying part:

You: So, we have this deadline every Monday for these reports that are tedious but not that hard…
Your Sigo/Friend: What are the reports about?
You: [Explaining this couldn’t be more irrelevant to the story but ok…] Well, they are a collection of our numbers from last week and a projection of our numbers for the coming week and…
Your Sigo/Friend: Oh nice and who do you send them to?
You: [Mentally eye-rolling] PEOPLE! What’s important is that so-and-so and I came in super early to complete them, we did them perfectly and then Sue from accounting looked at them, who according to her job title should be much better at these reports than we are, changed a bunch of stuff and then had us send them in with wrong info. Then the higher-ups responded back with a nasty email about why they were wrong and Sue let us take the fall.”
Your Sigo/Friend: Why should Sue be better at the reports than you are?
You: [Takes bottle of wine to the face] THAT IS SO NOT THE POINT!

Meanwhile with your work bestie, literally all you have to do is look at each other and he or she knows all of that and more about the situation, how it makes you feel, and why. This is a person that you simply can’t live without…..and definitely a person you need to drink with, do yoga with, and basically do anything to relieve yourselves of this stress!

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All of that rant being said, creating a bond doesn’t always have to be a bond against the worst boss ever, against Sue, or against the 40 deadlines you have, it can also be formed out of respect. Respect at work is major because you want to know that the people around you are working as hard as you are, right? Have you ever worked on a team that either in your mind, or said out loud, was the DREAM TEAM? We have! The dream team is a well-oiled machine, no drama, get sh!t done, and gets it done early kinda team. Each person has his or her strengths that compliments the strengths of the other members. This is the crew that you want to go to happy hour with, the crew you want at your wedding, the crew that makes working with anyone else ever again seem totally stupid.

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When the Bond Goes Too Far?

The bonds we create at work can be tricky when the “work husband” jokes feel like there’s some truth to them. At work there is a bit more freedom in making flirty remarks or conversation because there’s less pressure and there’s a guarantee that you are seeing this person pretty much every day. While on paper, and according to HR, that would deter people from pursuing romantic gestures, it creates an environment where the pressure is removed. There is no pressure to come up with the most witty pick up line. There’s no pressure to ask for someone’s number and there isn’t an assumption that sex is on the table simply because you enjoy each other’s company the way there might be when you meet someone on a Saturday night at a bar. Removing this pressure allows coworkers to get to know each other at a more realistic pace and on a day-in and day-out basis, which is why so many couples meet at work.

Then again, we’ve been faced with situations where you might mistake a romantic situation for simply a friendship. Since you are at work, you are primarily just being yourself. So your “work husband” is getting to know you in so many different ways, not just how he would on a date. They see the good side, the pissed off side, and the “I’m f*ing exhausted” side on a pretty regular basis. With that level of comfort and no pressure, you may let your guard down so much so that the friendship gets mistaken as something more than that. You are essentially bi-passing all of the small talk and silly get to know you questions and cutting right to the chase of knowing this person inside and out, “Hmm… we get along really well, this person knows a lot about me… so what does that mean?” This is the tricky part because it might cross lines that it shouldn’t, or even worse one person might start to catch feelings that the other person isn’t feeling. However you want to keep the same friendship and bond going. So just because you are close, it doesn’t mean that you have to date, it’s okay to just have a really great friendship!

So whatever your work friends are to you, we hope that you either have someone to roll your eyes with about Sue in Accounting, have someone to grab drinks with after work, or hey maybe you met your sigo….or someone who thought they should be your sigo but turned out it really wasn’t meant to be and you’re still the best of friends!

5 Types of Friends you Should Remove

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Processed with VSCO with c3 presetThis topic is a tough one because it’s going to sound harsh, however we really want to make it positive and inspiring. The point behind it is to remove any negativity from your life and to realize that the types of friends we are describing below don’t deserve to be your friend for one reason or another. If being friends with someone is “hard work” or “stressful” then why are you friends with them? Friendship should be easy, rewarding, supportive, and fun. It shouldn’t contain jealousy, bullying, or blame. Now again keeping in mind that friendship is a relationship so there will be points of conflict or disagreement, however in small doses and for valid reasons. If you do find yourself involved with a friend that we describe below, we think it is best for you to move on from that friendship. Let us know if you agree!

 

  1. The friend that creates drama

 

Luckily for both of us, these friends have been long gone since high school! No one wants someone that is always drama filled, especially as life continues to get harder as we get older. These types of people feed off of drama and almost need it in their life. If you find that your friend is always starting an argument with you from something very insignificant or you are always walking on eggshells with this person, you should say bye bye bye.

  1. The friend that chooses a man over you

Ohhh this is a personal favorite!! We could go on and on about this one but we will keep it as short as possible. It’s exactly what it seems… a friend that constantly chooses a man over you does not deserve to be your friend. Now there is a difference (and trust us we aren’t completely innocent with this one); friends are going to hang out with their significant others, it’s a given. The difference though is if you make plans with this friend and then they either cancel because their man suddenly became available or they try to be sneaky and make some sort of excuses to why they can’t hang out. Also, if you had a single friend that suddenly gets into a relationship and you never hear from them again, tell them you hope that relationship lasts because you won’t be here if they try to come crawling back! (too harsh? Nah!)

  1. The flake friend

Somewhat similar to above where this person suddenly cancels plans, however it might not be because they are in a relationship. They just cancel for no reason and “disappear” for a few weeks before they resurface again. They can’t be relied on and you should not fully commit your Saturday night to them because chances are … they will cancel. It is like they almost make plans with you and then decide to go elsewhere if there’s a better option for them. We don’t recommend keeping a friend like this in your life, however if you do, you should set the expectation with yourself ahead of time that they probably won’t stick to the plan.

  1. The friend that doesn’t reciprocate support

This is the friend that expects support from you, however does not give it in return. They expect for you to be available and to be there for them at the drop of a hat, however when you suddenly need them, they aren’t there. A friendship is a two way street and you should equally be there for each other. At one point or another one of you will need the strength of the other person, that’s what friendship is for! Also, even in regards to going out and having fun. If someone is constantly expecting you to come out with them when they invite you, however when you invite them and they don’t come out, is that even a friendship anyway?

5. The friend that has bad habits 

We all have flaws, however this friend has some bad habits that might suddenly start affecting your life. Whether they party too much, don’t take care of themselves, or are constantly negative; you may find that their habits are starting to have an affect on your own life. Someone that is always wanting to go out in the middle of the week may be hard to say no to at first. If you find that you are now falling under their influence and it is something that you do not agree with, it is okay to be selfish and choose yourself over them!

 

 

Making Friends at (nearly) 30 Years Old

winery3The funny thing about making friends later in life is that we didn’t think we’d be faced with doing so. We don’t know about you but we made our friends and then figured, “That’s it, no new friends!” But the thing is that we do have to keep evolving and meeting new people. We make new friends at work, at the gym, in mommy circles, online, in our communities, etc, etc.

Making friends at (almost) 30 is easier in some ways, and harder in others, than it was when we were in middle school, high school, or college. It’s easier because we are more secure in who we are. Our lives won’t be over if someone doesn’t like us, which is how you might feel when you’re younger. We have a little less #FOMO and a little more, we gon do what we want, thanks. We think that self-security and confidence is what attracts people to you. It’s cliche but it’s true, you just have to be yourself. Anyone who has survived middle school, high school, and college can sniff out a phony in an instant. A phony doesn’t make friends well past a certain age because who has time nowadays for any of that?!

winery1So ironically enough, it’s a little harder to make friends now for the same reason as it is easier. Ladies, what the heck are you talking about? Well in our younger years, the easiest way to make friends was to conform. You find out what the group likes, doesn’t like, and you adapt and say that you feel the same way. Conforming gives you instant friends, not best friends or meaningful friends, but hey, you’ve got em! In this case, we’re a little too old for that. Not only do we not have the time to be anything but ourselves but we are too mature and less willing to settle for anything but a meaningful relationship.

We also believe that in our specific case, we definitely are less likely to conform for any new friendship because we know we have our solid ya-ya friendships in our back pocket. Any new friend is a bonus to what we already have with our core group of women. The women that we’ve been friends with for 10, 15, 20, or like us 30 years now.

winery2Anyway, we’ve talked quite a bit about what it’s like to make a friend later in life as far as being in a situation where making a new friend is on the horizon. What we mean by that is that we’ve discussed what it’s like to make a new friend when the situation is in front of us. What we haven’t yet touched upon is how it can be challenging later in life to make a new friend when you need one because well, life is life. When we were younger there was school, teams, and clubs designed to help people make friends. Now, as adults of course clubs and teams do exist but don’t you feel like most often people go into those scenarios with their friends?! It takes courage to walk solo into a club or group and attempt to make friends versus walking in with a posse of people!

winery4So, all of that being said, we want to hear from you! Do you find it challenging to make friends later in life? What do you find to be the biggest challenge? Have you successfully made new friends? What worked for you? Comment below and let us know whatever you think about this topic because we know there’s someone out there who feels the same….and is perhaps looking for a friend!

Xo Sass & Sweetness