How Relationship Changes Affect your Life

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Processed with VSCO with c3 presetEnding and starting new relationships comes with a large amount of changes. Whether they are positive or negative changes, it’s crazy how others impact your life in so many ways. We have both experienced a lot of changes recently, especially in our romantic relationships and friendships. Some of the changes have been very good, others not so much. We are sharing how we are adapting and to let you know you are not alone!

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Sass:

Hola, Sass here! Change has become my middle name these past few years. After going to college in Washington, DC I decided to stay there for “a little while” until I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life. In that time, I met my now husband and “a little while” turned into 5 more years. After we got engaged in 2015, a short while later we relocated to Boston, MA. The year we spent in Boston was one of our best years yet! We didn’t know many people and had no family around so we spent a lot of quality time together. In the months leading up to our wedding, it was wonderful to have this alone time together and to learn that even when it’s just the two of us around we are very happy!

We got married in January 2017 and by April I was pregnant! Wah! So, we were then faced with a decision: do we stay in Boston where we’ve been very happy and jobs are great or do we move closer to family in time for the baby to arrive? Welp, you guessed it, we moved to NJ a year ago September to prepare for the baby. In moving to NJ, since we did it rather quickly, we moved in with my parents. It was enough being pregnant and moving, let alone pregnant, moving, and settling into a new house of our own so we decided to wait a bit. And then finally by January our baby girl was born and she is now 9 months.

So, just a couple of C-H-A-N-G-E-S recently, huh? In the last 3 years I have gone from single to engaged, from living in Washington, DC, Boston, MA, and now New Jersey. Engaged to married. Married and living in the perfect apartment in a little bubble with my husband to living with my parents and from a carefree 20-something to a nearly 30 year old with a baby! Oh and I almost forgot to mention that I went from a corporate job that I held for 5 years to now working from home. This is certainly the glossed over version but the dirty details of all of these changes are coming in the following posts this month. I’ll be sharing how all of these changes make me feel, how they affect my friendships and other relationships, and so much more.

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Sweetness:

Hey everyone, it’s Sweetness! One of the biggest changes I went through a little over a year ago was when my relationship with my fiance ended. It was (and sometimes still is) one of the hardest times in my life. I was so used to basically being his wife, living and sleeping with him, even working together with him. We had been together for 5 years and had been through sooo much together that it was tough to just wake up and not have this person in my life anymore.

He was my best friend, the person I turned to, the person that made me laugh. However, we had experienced a lot of trauma through our relationship and I had moved across the country to California to be with him. Being in a new state, with no friends or family of my own was very tough and because we didn’t always get along, it made everything so much more difficult. I was torn between wanting to make our relationship work, however also missed my family and friends back in New Jersey.

When I moved back to NJ, I was experiencing all of my own changes, however my friends were also going through changes, like marriage and babies! I was adapting to my new life, new job, and experiencing a different dynamic between me and my friends. They weren’t as “available” anymore and I often felt alone, like I was the only person going through this. These changes greatly impacted me emotionally and physically and I often felt it was tough to get by.

Now things have started to fall into place, but I would be lying if I said I don’t question if the decision I made was the right one. It’s funny how a negative change can also have a positive outcome. Have I fully seen the positive outcome yet? I don’t think so, however I have felt more like myself again and still hold on to the hope that things will turn out to be okay! As our “changes” blog posts continue, I will continue to share how I have been affected in a negative and positive way and hope that someone else out there that may be going through something similar doesn’t feel alone and can relate!

Friends, stay tuned this month! We’ll be sharing the details of the many changes we have both experienced over the last several years and what these changes mean for our futures! Make sure to let us know what you’re going through; it’s always nice to know there are women out there going through the same things!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

Work Friends: Did We Just Become Best Friends?!

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How could we forget about work friends?! They are the ones that get you through the 9-5, the ones that you can roll your eyes at when your boss pisses you off, and the only ones that truly understand how freakin’ annoying Sue is over in Accounting (sorry Sue). We believe that work friends come in all different varieties and no matter how you look at it, they are definitely needed!

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Creating A Bond

Work is a huge part of our lives and whether you love or hate what you do, if you’re human, you have moments when you just have to vent about a client, a project, or co-worker (cough Sue cough). In our experience, there is nothing quite like the bond of people at work that have a shared negative experience, a shared pet peeve, or a common enemy. This may not be our proudest or most positive revelation but it’s certainly an honest one. You might at first tip toe around each other, sending out feelers for how that person feels and as soon as the discovery is made that you’re on the same page….LOOK OUT! The floodgates are open! Any opportunity you have to commiserate over the issue, the project, or mostly like the person, you take it and while it kinda feels bad, doesn’t it also feel really good?! This person becomes irreplaceable because unlike venting to your sigo or friend, you don’t have to explain the who, what, and where’s of the story before getting to the annoying part:

You: So, we have this deadline every Monday for these reports that are tedious but not that hard…
Your Sigo/Friend: What are the reports about?
You: [Explaining this couldn’t be more irrelevant to the story but ok…] Well, they are a collection of our numbers from last week and a projection of our numbers for the coming week and…
Your Sigo/Friend: Oh nice and who do you send them to?
You: [Mentally eye-rolling] PEOPLE! What’s important is that so-and-so and I came in super early to complete them, we did them perfectly and then Sue from accounting looked at them, who according to her job title should be much better at these reports than we are, changed a bunch of stuff and then had us send them in with wrong info. Then the higher-ups responded back with a nasty email about why they were wrong and Sue let us take the fall.”
Your Sigo/Friend: Why should Sue be better at the reports than you are?
You: [Takes bottle of wine to the face] THAT IS SO NOT THE POINT!

Meanwhile with your work bestie, literally all you have to do is look at each other and he or she knows all of that and more about the situation, how it makes you feel, and why. This is a person that you simply can’t live without…..and definitely a person you need to drink with, do yoga with, and basically do anything to relieve yourselves of this stress!

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All of that rant being said, creating a bond doesn’t always have to be a bond against the worst boss ever, against Sue, or against the 40 deadlines you have, it can also be formed out of respect. Respect at work is major because you want to know that the people around you are working as hard as you are, right? Have you ever worked on a team that either in your mind, or said out loud, was the DREAM TEAM? We have! The dream team is a well-oiled machine, no drama, get sh!t done, and gets it done early kinda team. Each person has his or her strengths that compliments the strengths of the other members. This is the crew that you want to go to happy hour with, the crew you want at your wedding, the crew that makes working with anyone else ever again seem totally stupid.

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When the Bond Goes Too Far?

The bonds we create at work can be tricky when the “work husband” jokes feel like there’s some truth to them. At work there is a bit more freedom in making flirty remarks or conversation because there’s less pressure and there’s a guarantee that you are seeing this person pretty much every day. While on paper, and according to HR, that would deter people from pursuing romantic gestures, it creates an environment where the pressure is removed. There is no pressure to come up with the most witty pick up line. There’s no pressure to ask for someone’s number and there isn’t an assumption that sex is on the table simply because you enjoy each other’s company the way there might be when you meet someone on a Saturday night at a bar. Removing this pressure allows coworkers to get to know each other at a more realistic pace and on a day-in and day-out basis, which is why so many couples meet at work.

Then again, we’ve been faced with situations where you might mistake a romantic situation for simply a friendship. Since you are at work, you are primarily just being yourself. So your “work husband” is getting to know you in so many different ways, not just how he would on a date. They see the good side, the pissed off side, and the “I’m f*ing exhausted” side on a pretty regular basis. With that level of comfort and no pressure, you may let your guard down so much so that the friendship gets mistaken as something more than that. You are essentially bi-passing all of the small talk and silly get to know you questions and cutting right to the chase of knowing this person inside and out, “Hmm… we get along really well, this person knows a lot about me… so what does that mean?” This is the tricky part because it might cross lines that it shouldn’t, or even worse one person might start to catch feelings that the other person isn’t feeling. However you want to keep the same friendship and bond going. So just because you are close, it doesn’t mean that you have to date, it’s okay to just have a really great friendship!

So whatever your work friends are to you, we hope that you either have someone to roll your eyes with about Sue in Accounting, have someone to grab drinks with after work, or hey maybe you met your sigo….or someone who thought they should be your sigo but turned out it really wasn’t meant to be and you’re still the best of friends!

5 Types of Friends you Should Remove

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Processed with VSCO with c3 presetThis topic is a tough one because it’s going to sound harsh, however we really want to make it positive and inspiring. The point behind it is to remove any negativity from your life and to realize that the types of friends we are describing below don’t deserve to be your friend for one reason or another. If being friends with someone is “hard work” or “stressful” then why are you friends with them? Friendship should be easy, rewarding, supportive, and fun. It shouldn’t contain jealousy, bullying, or blame. Now again keeping in mind that friendship is a relationship so there will be points of conflict or disagreement, however in small doses and for valid reasons. If you do find yourself involved with a friend that we describe below, we think it is best for you to move on from that friendship. Let us know if you agree!

 

  1. The friend that creates drama

 

Luckily for both of us, these friends have been long gone since high school! No one wants someone that is always drama filled, especially as life continues to get harder as we get older. These types of people feed off of drama and almost need it in their life. If you find that your friend is always starting an argument with you from something very insignificant or you are always walking on eggshells with this person, you should say bye bye bye.

  1. The friend that chooses a man over you

Ohhh this is a personal favorite!! We could go on and on about this one but we will keep it as short as possible. It’s exactly what it seems… a friend that constantly chooses a man over you does not deserve to be your friend. Now there is a difference (and trust us we aren’t completely innocent with this one); friends are going to hang out with their significant others, it’s a given. The difference though is if you make plans with this friend and then they either cancel because their man suddenly became available or they try to be sneaky and make some sort of excuses to why they can’t hang out. Also, if you had a single friend that suddenly gets into a relationship and you never hear from them again, tell them you hope that relationship lasts because you won’t be here if they try to come crawling back! (too harsh? Nah!)

  1. The flake friend

Somewhat similar to above where this person suddenly cancels plans, however it might not be because they are in a relationship. They just cancel for no reason and “disappear” for a few weeks before they resurface again. They can’t be relied on and you should not fully commit your Saturday night to them because chances are … they will cancel. It is like they almost make plans with you and then decide to go elsewhere if there’s a better option for them. We don’t recommend keeping a friend like this in your life, however if you do, you should set the expectation with yourself ahead of time that they probably won’t stick to the plan.

  1. The friend that doesn’t reciprocate support

This is the friend that expects support from you, however does not give it in return. They expect for you to be available and to be there for them at the drop of a hat, however when you suddenly need them, they aren’t there. A friendship is a two way street and you should equally be there for each other. At one point or another one of you will need the strength of the other person, that’s what friendship is for! Also, even in regards to going out and having fun. If someone is constantly expecting you to come out with them when they invite you, however when you invite them and they don’t come out, is that even a friendship anyway?

5. The friend that has bad habits 

We all have flaws, however this friend has some bad habits that might suddenly start affecting your life. Whether they party too much, don’t take care of themselves, or are constantly negative; you may find that their habits are starting to have an affect on your own life. Someone that is always wanting to go out in the middle of the week may be hard to say no to at first. If you find that you are now falling under their influence and it is something that you do not agree with, it is okay to be selfish and choose yourself over them!

 

 

5 Friends You Need in Your Life

So we’ve talked about the types of friends that there are but …we are getting even more specific and talking about the 5 types of friends you NEED in your life and why. Each type brings something to the table and if you don’t already have a friend like this in your life then post an ad, get on Bumble for Friends, and find one asap!

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1.The BLUNT Friend

You know, the friend that will go straight up to the guy that’s hitting on you and tell him to buzz off because she already knows you’re not interested. Also the one that’s not afraid to tell you that you are wayyyy better than the guy that only responds to your every other text and calls only at 2am to “hang out”. Or the one that says, nope do.not.go.in.public.in.that.dress.

Trust us, she means it in the best way possible. This friend is not afraid to tell you (or others) how it is. She is a protector and a truth teller. She also gives you a nice little kick in the rear and brings you back to reality when you are not thinking so clearly. You might even be this type of friend to your friends and guess what? They are lucky to have you so keep being that blunt badass that you are! (and duh! Sass happens to be this friend!)

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2. The Supportive Friend

This friend is always there to listen. So are your other friends, but this friend really truly gets it. She sits and listens to what’s bothering you and empathizes with your struggles and pain. The key word here is empathize. She actually feels what you feel, whether it’s because she went through something similar or she can at least relate in the most meaningful way possible. This is someone you can call at anytime and at the drop of a hat they will be there.

Most importantly, she supports your decisions even if she doesn’t fully agree. She will be by your side to pick you back up if you fall or help celebrate your happiness. Let’s just say the name Samantha (aka Sweetness) doesn’t mean good listener for nothing! 😉

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  1. The Adventurous Friend

It’s so easy to get stuck in our ways and do the same thing so this friend is necessary to shake things up! She suggests ideas that mightttt be intimidating at first but after you do it, you realize that was a good f*ing time! She might be spontaneous and have last minute ideas or she’s the one planning your next year of trips, concerts, and excursions. At times you’ll hate her and all of the ideas she’ll throw at you. You’ll be exhausted and will feel lazy but if you don’t go, trust us you’ll have FOMO.

You need this friend to help you create memories beyond what’s happening in your own backyard. She’ll help you check off your bucket list items and teach you a thing or two at the same time. So the next time she asks you to go backpacking in Antarctica, we suggest you should go!

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  1. The Healthy Friend

At times you might think this friend is psycho or even extreme but deep down you know it’s all in good health. You also slightlyyy wish you had her same ability to resist eating a piece of bread or run 5 miles without breaking a sweat. Most of us try our best to be healthy and workout, however this friend takes it to a new level! Whether she goes to the gym everyday, runs in races, or is even vegan, you need a friend like this in your life. She will keep you on track and inspire you to live a healthier lifestyle!

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  1. The Funny Friend

This friend constantly sends you funny memes and always has the perfect sarcastic response to pretty much anything. She makes an awkward situation not awkward and makes you pee your pants with her humor. Having a bad day? Call this friend up and I’m sure she will be able to come up with something that turns your frown upside down.

When you are out, you can always count on her to be the life of the party! She’s goofy, keeps things interesting, and sometimes makes you want to hide behind your hands with her outbursts! Some of the best memories and inside jokes come from this type of friend, however we often find that we can all be the funny friend at times!

Do you already have these friends in your life? We would love to hear what you think!

 

Xo Sass and Sweetness