How My Body Changed After Baby

Processed with VSCO with c3 preset

Ohhhh the body after baby! I’m just not sure that any blog post can adequately encompass the full scope of the changes in your body after having a baby but I, Sass, will try.

I would first like to acknowledge that I am skipping right over all of the changes that occur during pregnancy because I feel like pregnancy is a talked about over and over again while the postpartum situation isn’t talked about enough. And full-disclosure, I had a natural delivery with no complications so I can’t speak to a c-section recovery or any effects of complicated pregnancies or deliveries.

So, to begin, I want to make clear that right after you give birth your pregnant belly does not, I repeat, it does not magically go away. You pop that baby out and still look about 6 months pregnant. This was a major let down for me and also pretty shocking. I was feeling my most mentally and physically drained in my entire life and still had to carry a gut around that I didn’t recognize with NO BABY IN THERE! At least I was pregnant I knew in my mind, and could say to others, “There’s a darn baby in there!”

Anyway, the first 2-3 weeks with a baby are GRUELING (I’d even push that number to 6 weeks). They need to eat every two hours and if you’re breastfeeding like I was that means you cannot sleep for more than maybe 45 minutes at a time. For those who are unfamiliar, newborns can take up to 45 mins to an hour to eat so in doing the math…the baby eats for an hour and then you burp her for 15 minutes (45 minutes) then if you fall asleep right away you get 45 minutes before the baby is ready to do it all over again! You see, it’s every 2 hours from the time they start eating not from the time they finish! I was mentally and physically in awe of what was happening. I cried a lot. My boobs hurt, my back hurt, my wrists hurt, my head hurt, everything hurt including the who-ha! For crying out loud a bowling ball just came out of there, things were not normal!

Processed with VSCO with c3 preset

So while I was trying to get this whole mom thing and breastfeeding a stranger thing down, I couldn’t sit without a pillow under my butt, I couldn’t sleep, I was wearing a pad the size of a ice pack in mesh panties that needed to be changed what felt like constantly and in lieu of wiping, I was squirting myself with a water bottle. Oh and don’t forget the who-ha numbing spray for the stitches and the ice packs that would go in between the pad and the witch hazel wipes….get the picture?! It’s brutal.

A few months later I started to feel less like a stranger in my own body but I can say that even 9 months, almost 10 months postpartum I am still not normal and at this point I’m not sure I’ll ever be “the same” as I was pre-pregnancy. My body is just different now. Sometimes I have pain in places I didn’t before, my weight is distributed a little differently (yup, a little bit more in the belly), and for awhile there, although it seems to have stopped, my hair was falling out like crazy. This is all “normal” as they say but what’s normal to the world is all new to first time moms.

Processed with VSCO with c3 preset

My skin is different, mainly from lack of sleep and stress, but the bags under my eyes just never seem to go away. And these are bags on a level I have never seen. My hangovers are worse than ever before. But at this point, even though I don’t physically feel like my pre-baby self, I am down to my pre-pregnancy weight. I went into my pregnancy a little bit heavy so the battle to slim down continues but I have to say that for awhile that was one of the toughest parts about it all…

Ya know when you’re feeling crummy and you start mentally piling on all the shit in your mind that’s terrible: “I haven’t slept in what feels like years, I’m tired, so so so tired, from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep my time and my life are no longer my own…oh, and I’m fat.” It’s awful, it really is, but it’s true. I felt and still very often feel so overwhelmed by being a mom, working, taking care of my family, doing laundry, making dinner, trying to have a social life, everything is hard…oh, and my clothes don’t fit. It’s like this little cherry on top of everything. In the most physically and mentally challenging time in my life I was not at my peak level of physical fitness to handle it and I believe that is a reality that all new moms, even the most fit ones, will have to face at one point. If you are more fit, that time period might be shorter than it is for others and as for me, I’m getting there. I’m almost back……and then I get to do it all over again for baby #2. YAY!

LOL and that’s the thing, I’m making all of this sound awful, and to be really honest, it is sometimes BUT there is a reason people do this over and over again. That reason is obviously the baby. They do make it worth it, maybe not every minute of every day but looking at her now as I write this I know I’ll do it again. And lastly, in hindsight, part of why those first weeks and months are so hard is because you have no prior experience to know that this too shall pass. Your mom, your sister, your friends can all tell you it will and deep down you know it will but it’s the WHEN that is daunting…when will it end? For round two I’ll at least have some idea of what is happening and I’ll look forward to days like today when I can sit on a hard chair without pain, my boobs are not infected from mastitis, and my baby can laugh and hug me. I’ll know that with all the change comes the reward!

How Relationship Changes Affect your Life

Processed with VSCO with c3 preset

Processed with VSCO with c3 presetEnding and starting new relationships comes with a large amount of changes. Whether they are positive or negative changes, it’s crazy how others impact your life in so many ways. We have both experienced a lot of changes recently, especially in our romantic relationships and friendships. Some of the changes have been very good, others not so much. We are sharing how we are adapting and to let you know you are not alone!

Processed with VSCO with c3 preset

Sass:

Hola, Sass here! Change has become my middle name these past few years. After going to college in Washington, DC I decided to stay there for “a little while” until I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life. In that time, I met my now husband and “a little while” turned into 5 more years. After we got engaged in 2015, a short while later we relocated to Boston, MA. The year we spent in Boston was one of our best years yet! We didn’t know many people and had no family around so we spent a lot of quality time together. In the months leading up to our wedding, it was wonderful to have this alone time together and to learn that even when it’s just the two of us around we are very happy!

We got married in January 2017 and by April I was pregnant! Wah! So, we were then faced with a decision: do we stay in Boston where we’ve been very happy and jobs are great or do we move closer to family in time for the baby to arrive? Welp, you guessed it, we moved to NJ a year ago September to prepare for the baby. In moving to NJ, since we did it rather quickly, we moved in with my parents. It was enough being pregnant and moving, let alone pregnant, moving, and settling into a new house of our own so we decided to wait a bit. And then finally by January our baby girl was born and she is now 9 months.

So, just a couple of C-H-A-N-G-E-S recently, huh? In the last 3 years I have gone from single to engaged, from living in Washington, DC, Boston, MA, and now New Jersey. Engaged to married. Married and living in the perfect apartment in a little bubble with my husband to living with my parents and from a carefree 20-something to a nearly 30 year old with a baby! Oh and I almost forgot to mention that I went from a corporate job that I held for 5 years to now working from home. This is certainly the glossed over version but the dirty details of all of these changes are coming in the following posts this month. I’ll be sharing how all of these changes make me feel, how they affect my friendships and other relationships, and so much more.

Processed with VSCO with c3 preset

Sweetness:

Hey everyone, it’s Sweetness! One of the biggest changes I went through a little over a year ago was when my relationship with my fiance ended. It was (and sometimes still is) one of the hardest times in my life. I was so used to basically being his wife, living and sleeping with him, even working together with him. We had been together for 5 years and had been through sooo much together that it was tough to just wake up and not have this person in my life anymore.

He was my best friend, the person I turned to, the person that made me laugh. However, we had experienced a lot of trauma through our relationship and I had moved across the country to California to be with him. Being in a new state, with no friends or family of my own was very tough and because we didn’t always get along, it made everything so much more difficult. I was torn between wanting to make our relationship work, however also missed my family and friends back in New Jersey.

When I moved back to NJ, I was experiencing all of my own changes, however my friends were also going through changes, like marriage and babies! I was adapting to my new life, new job, and experiencing a different dynamic between me and my friends. They weren’t as “available” anymore and I often felt alone, like I was the only person going through this. These changes greatly impacted me emotionally and physically and I often felt it was tough to get by.

Now things have started to fall into place, but I would be lying if I said I don’t question if the decision I made was the right one. It’s funny how a negative change can also have a positive outcome. Have I fully seen the positive outcome yet? I don’t think so, however I have felt more like myself again and still hold on to the hope that things will turn out to be okay! As our “changes” blog posts continue, I will continue to share how I have been affected in a negative and positive way and hope that someone else out there that may be going through something similar doesn’t feel alone and can relate!

Friends, stay tuned this month! We’ll be sharing the details of the many changes we have both experienced over the last several years and what these changes mean for our futures! Make sure to let us know what you’re going through; it’s always nice to know there are women out there going through the same things!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

How Friendships are Impacted by Life’s Events aka LIFE!

Processed with VSCO with c3 preset

As life takes us on differents paths, it’s a crazy balancing act to try and stay in touch with your friends. People grow older, move to different states, get married, and have children and suddenly the timeline everyone was once on is no longer in sync. It’s funny because as kids you often think you will get married and have babies at the same time as your friends and then your babies will be best friends. However, that’s not always how life goes and not what we have experienced.

We both were in long term relationships at the same time and were able to have that in common. The trouble was that we were living in completely different parts of the country, California and Washington DC. It was tough to keep up with one another’s schedule and not to mention the 3 hour time difference! Sass would try and call Sweetness on her drive home from work, however it was the middle of the day for Sweetness. And talk about trying to get together! We always had to coordinate when we would be back in NJ at the same time or we would only see each other during the holidays or for some event.

So this is where the story and paths got different. Sass ended up getting engaged and married. Sweetness got engaged, but unfortunately that relationship ended and she is now single. Sass also recently had a baby, which has added another “difference” to the equation. So now we have one married with a baby friend and 1 single friend trying to maintain their relationship with each other and figure out this new way of life. So how do we handle being on two different ends of the spectrum? We’ve shared our own personal views below.

Processed with VSCO with c3 presetSweetness:

Hey everyone, Sweetness here! So as you read above, I am currently single after being in a long term relationship. I’ve experienced moving across the country, changing jobs, being a bridesmaid several times over, and dealing with this new single life of mine all while my friends have continued on with married life. Do I feel lonely at times? Yes… actually more than usual. The reason though is not because I am single. It is not because I don’t have someone that I am dating – it is honestly because my friends now have their own significant others and I feel like I can’t go to them like I used to. But wait – it’s not because they’ve done anything to make me feel that way. It’s honestly a subconscious feeling that I get in my own head about (because trust me I know Sass would love to go out any chance she gets!)

To further explain, I think it is because we are all in different stages of life so it’s hard to figure out who is feeling what. I don’t want to be a burden on them or to make them feel “bad” for me. There are times where I might get upset because of my situation and although I know I can call them, I don’t always want to because I know they have their own responsibilities to deal with. From this, I feel our relationship has gotten closer but also further. We are getting further away from having commonalities, however we are getting closer because we are more mature and can have very candid conversations.

Trust me, I am happy for my friends and again trust me I want to get married and have like 10,000 babies, but for now, this is the stage we are all in. I’m sure once I do get married and have babies then our relationship will take an even different turn! We will be asking for one another’s advice about diaper rash and complaining about how our husband’s never pick up their socks. But for now, it’s trying to balance our friendship in these two completely different stages and schedules.

Sass:

Hi friends! So as you know, if you’ve been keeping up with our posts, I am the first of our core group of friends to have baby. In fact, I was also the first to get engaged and married. And I know what you might be thinking, “Wowwww, Sass, your life is SO hard. Is your wallet too small for your fifties and are your diamond shoes too tight??” [Friends reference, duh] but it has not always been a smooth sailing road. Because I am the first to take these steps, I am sometimes left out of the single and/or baby-less lifestyle I used to lead with my friends. When my friends decide on a whim to have a girl’s night out, not only do I need a babysitter but it means leaving my husband at home. Or how about when I was pregnant, the last thing I wanted to do was pop bottles at Wicked Wolf (a sports bar in Hoboken, NJ) on Sunday to watch football but it meant being “left out” of the day. Now, to make it very clear, I was not purposefully being “left out” but the FOMO was the same!

It’s tough because I never want to complain about having a husband and a baby because in the grand scheme these are obviously people and decisions about life that mean everything to me, but as Sweetness said, for most of our lives up to this point, we’ve been in the same stage on the same timeline. Now we are all over the place and have aspects of our lives that we can’t understand fully about each other. I believe this is where some friendships fall off but when you have true, meaningful, OG friends like ours we push through. We have open and honest conversations that may still not make it so that we can fully relate but we can do our best and be there for each other all the same.

Xo Sass and Sweetness