How our Mental State Affects our Physical

Processed with VSCO with hb2 presetOur bodies are amazing and it’s even more amazing how our mental state can affect our physical body so much. If we are in a good place mentally, our bodies usually feel good. If it is the reverse and our mental state is not in a good place, then our bodies are going to feel the affects. We know this all too well and have seen the changes our own bodies have experienced mainly during times that were stressful or upsetting.

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Hey, it’s Sweetness! In this post, I’m going to share my own experiences on how my body was affected by my mental state due to some recent events I went through.  

Going through a breakup with my fiance was a very difficult time for me. I was trying to make the relationship work, however we were both unsure of what to do to make things better. It was extremely stressful and not to mention I was living in California with no friends or close family nearby to turn to. Going through this time obviously had affects on my mental state, however it was when I noticed the changes to my body that I knew something had to change.

I’m definitely a fit and healthy person in general, however when I was going through this difficult time, I noticed that I started losing weight without trying. I am NOT a stress eater, in fact I actually turn away from food, so my appetite was practically non-existent. I was getting really skinny in an unhealthy way and felt horrible. My energy was low, I felt really weak and tired all the time. Not to mention I almost felt like I always had a cold. My throat was hurting, I had an awful cough, however I knew I was not sick. It was purely stress. Wow, scary right?! They say that stress is the silent killer and I couldn’t agree more.

Processed with VSCO with hb2 presetThough this is not something positive, I wanted to share it because I want others that may be experiencing something similar to understand that this is not a healthy way to live. My relationship unfortunately ended and even though I was upset, over time this “stressful” feeling subsided. At the end of the day, taking care of your mind and body is most important so doing whatever you need to do to make sure you are at your best should be priority, especially if others rely on you! Make sure to keep eating well, getting plenty of sleep, and make time to meditate or relax when going through a hard time. Trust me, your body will thank you!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

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Adjusting to Your Surroundings After Moving

Move1Is there anything worse than being so far removed from your routine that you don’t even feel like you anymore?! We think not! When you move, this can be the case for quite some time until you get unpacked and adjusted to your new surroundings. This might also be something, as Sweetness mentioned in our last post to think about BEFORE you move! As people who have moved many times we are very familiar with all that changes and want to impart our wisdom on those who have an upcoming move, hope to move in the future, or to simply commiserate with those of you who have shared in this experience!

With just about every move we’ve made we can recall the mounds of boxes, bubble wrap, tape, and trips to Bed, Bath, and Beyond for more plastic containers and drawer organizers! Moving is chaotic even for the most organized of us. No matter how organized you are, like Sass, the box labeling psychopath (yes, she even color codes her markers by which room the box should go into), at the end of the day all of your stuff that’s in boxes and suitcases has to come out and go into some new “place” in your space that you probably haven’t quite figured out yet. Depending on your situation or how much stuff you have, this process can takes days, weeks, dare we say months?!

Move 3Moving can also mean chaos for your physical and mental health. You’ve probably just come off of take-out for a few days since you packed up your kitchen and emptied the fridge and are coming into a few more days of take-out until you’ve unpacked your kitchen and found your new grocery store. We don’t know about you but this is one of the most challenging parts about moving for us…being out of our normal food routine! Ugh. It could also mean that you’ve taken a few days off from the gym because well, packing is exercise, right? But mainly, moving is exhausting!

Basically, the natural chaos and stress of any move combined with a complete diversion from your routine can wreak havoc on your body. One of the first things we do when we move to a new place is look up ahead of time where the nearest grocery store is and where we’ll be exercising whether it’s a new gym or a yoga spot around the corner, just figure it out and book a class…any class! Even if it means dropping the full box of shoes you still need to unpack… your body and your mind will thank you.

It might seem silly but I (Sass here), can recall very specifically the moment after one of our moves in DC when I made a big salad at home, opened a bottle of wine and poured it into a wine glass (rather than a paper cup), and sat down on the couch to enjoy and watch an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. It was blissful. It was routine. It was normal. This is the part about moving that we love…when it’s over!

Move 2It might seem obvious but it’s the little things in life that don’t seem so little when suddenly everything is new. New doctors, new delivery options, new workout spot, new drug store, new parking space, and new trash pickup nights (this one gets us every time). And then of course there are the bigger things but usually we are prepared for those, which is ironic, isn’t it? New job, new friends, new commute, new time zone, or a new distance from home. These are the big ones that usually determine how long you will stay in this new place because as adults we get over the little things but sometimes the big ones can make or break our experience in a new place.

So it’s okay to take time to adjust, to try a few nail salons, to ask the “locals” for the best sushi spot, however it will take time to get the hang of this new routine. Being patient is probably the most important part of moving and trying not to stress out about certain things. The more prepared you are and the more research you’ve done the better off you may be, however things will not always go as planned so it’s better to be prepared for the unexpected!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

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Moving Means Big Changes!

 

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Aside from relationships, another huge change that both of us have experienced is moving! We are both born and raised in New Jersey and went to school out of state, which was when the first big move out of our comfort zones happened. Sweetness went to University of Delaware and lived at school all four years and Sass went to Georgetown University and not only lived in Washington, DC during college, but for 5 years after too!

It seems pretty obvious that with moving comes change, however our moves were definitely more complicated and extensive than that. We are sharing our experiences and how to adjust to the changes that moving brings along as well as the new life you will experience!

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Sass:

Hola, Sass here! So, as we’ve already mentioned I lived in Washington, DC for college and upon graduating, I moved home to New Jersey to figure out what I was going to do with my life. Well, that lasted for all of 4 months before I picked up and move back to DC. I moved back because I had a sense of independence in DC that I was unable to achieve at home in New Jersey. I knew I could get my bartending job back just in time for football season and continue to look for a job both in NJ and in DC in the meantime because I never intended on staying in DC very long.

But then don’t ya know it, 2 months after I moved to DC, I met my now husband and 6 months after moving there we were officially unofficially dating and the rest is history as they say. As he is born and raised right outside of DC, it looked like I was bound to the area forever.

That all changed, however, when a job opportunity presented itself for him in Boston, MA. You all know that I credit this move and the year we spent there as one our best years yet; it was the best experience. Within that year we got preggers and as you know, moved home to New Jersey.

So not only have I moved states several times but within those states I’ve lived in 5 apartments (not including college) so moving and I are no strangers. The process is an actual b*tch but each time I get more and more efficient. Boxes? Oh I’ve labeled each side with absurdly descriptive descriptions, like embarrassingly descriptive but who knows where any item is when I need it? THIS GIRL.

But all kidding aside, my recommendation is to be as organized as possible, even over the details that you don’t think will really matter or that you take for granted when you are in a routine. For example, you will want internet set up ASAP, you will need a place to sleep immediately, you will want to know where to order delivery from the first night, and you will need to take off a day from work. I’ve attempted the “no days off” thing when moving and it really makes for a stressful first day at work in a new place or even in your same city just trying to find your stuff!

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Sweetness:

Hey everyone, it’s Sweetness! As mentioned above, I have lived in New Jersey and Delaware during my childhood and college years. After college I moved back to NJ until I met my ex. We both lived in NJ for about a year, however he was from California and wanted to move back home. For me it was a no-brainer at first! I have always loved Cali (I dated a guy in college that was from there too!) and thought it would be really awesome to live in a state that pretty much everyone dreams of living in.

So off I went to LA to live with my ex and bring on a whole new life. I had these thoughts that every day would be sunny (which it was), we would go to the beach all the time (um hello, have you heard about the traffic?!), and also that we would have an amazing group of friends that we would always do fun things with (did I mention we lived in LA…). Though the sun was always shining and the beaches were beautiful, California was a different experience for me than I thought. It took over an hour to go 10 miles, which limited our travel to about a 2 mile radius and the people I experienced in LA were not the most welcoming with open arms.

My expectations before the move were high and when I first got there, though it was exciting, it was MUCH harder than I thought. Yes, it was fun going to Home Goods and finally having my own space with my then boyfriend, but boy do you realize how much in a routine you were in your last place you lived to only realize EVERYTHING changes. Like literally everything, even those small things that you don’t realize, which we will be talking about in our next post!  

So we believe everyone should step out of their comfort zone and make a move that will give you a new experience, just make sure to really evaluate the move before you do it! You will miss things about the old place you lived and love things about this new place. Sometimes this will be great, sometimes they will be not so great. Keep your expectations low and if you are struggling and having a hard time, make sure you have someone you can turn to!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

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How Meeting “The One” Changes Your Life

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So we’ve gone through all the breakups, eaten all the pizza, kissed all the frogs, and finally found the one. Now what? Some of us will make the decision to marry this person and that’s what we’re here to talk about today….marriage and all that comes with it!

SoOo, hey there, Sass here! As of today I have been with my husband for 6 years and we are 21 months into marriage. That being said, if you are a gazillion years into marriage, or simply in it longer than we are, take everything below with a grain of salt as I am sure I will read this years from now and laugh at myself…

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When You Know, You Know
When you ask most people, “So how did you know he/she was the one?” We are often met by the same response, “Ah well, when you know, you know.” I definitely subscribe to gut feelings and I too experienced this sense of cosmic “knowing” about my husband. However, I could also analyze our relationship and know that we aligned. Relationships do not often fail because of differing religious viewpoints, differing wants on children, smoking, or any of the “big ticket items,” as I call them, because when people differ on these aspects of life most often the relationship never begins in the first place. In my experience, relationships fail because of differing viewpoints on lifestyle, money, and affection. When two people generally share the same hopes, dreams, and goals for how you want life to be things tend to work out. For example, it could be difficult for a relationship to thrive when one person loves to travel and the other couldn’t care less, when one person wants to be social all the time and the other is a constant homebody, when you have a morning versus a night person, a clean versus messy person, someone who craves physically affection and a partner who isn’t into it, or when you have differing opinions on how to spend money. I truly believe that the “smaller ticket items” build up over time and eventually someone (or both people) explode.

That being said, my husband is messy and I am neat, he is very social and I am more of a homebody BUT I think what people mean by “when you know, you know,” is that you experience these differences in every relationship but you know it’s “the one” because this person makes compromises for you. And equally important, you see that you are willing and happy to compromise for him/her.

My husband and I also share the same values and are on the same page about our big life picture. We both appreciate and love to travel, we both want family to be a big part of our lives, and we both understand that while we like nice things, buying our first home is the priority and limit our spending accordingly. We are not going to get in arguments about credit card charges, public versus private school for our daughter, or seeing family on holidays, as examples.

So, yes, I knew I was in love with him, physically attracted to him, and enjoyed my time with him but when it came to deciding whether or not to marry him, I knew that the vision of what I wanted my life to look like very closely aligned to his vision of his life. This was a big indication to me that we could make this darn thing work for the long haul.

The Big Day
My husband and I have huge families and lots of friends so the decision to do a destination wedding came pretty easily to us. We needed a way to simplify our big day and keep it “small” without insulting a large part of our extended circles. In a perfect world would we have had everyone there, of course, but we simply couldn’t afford it. And I’ll be very honest with you, growing up in New Jersey and having attended some of the most beautiful and extravagant weddings I knew that even if we took the 80 people that we had in Mexico to a venue in NJ, we would not have afforded the type of wedding that I pictured in my head in my teens and early 20s. I needed to make our wedding so different from the $100,000-500,000 weddings that I’d seen in my younger years in order to not feel like my wedding wasn’t as nice or as glam or as beautiful.

So, we took our wedding to Mexico and let the beach be our backdrop and the party and vacation with our friends and family take the place of the over the top centerpieces, the big band, and the king crab leg cocktail hour. It’s not that I didn’t want these things, and I am not mocking those that have this type of wedding, I just knew we wouldn’t have been able to do it to the level that I would have wanted so we made it completely different. Ultimately the entire party was dancing before the salads were served and we had an incredible time. So 21 months later, I’m not bothered by the simple white flower centerpieces and I can’t remember what I ate so there’s that. It’s true what they say though, it is a blur so try to enjoy it in the moment as much as possible!

Love and Marriage
I’m finding it difficult to adequately put into words the wonderful aspects of marriage other than to say that I know I have a partner for life. This is such a secure, wonderful feeling but rather than type out a bunch of lovey dovey stuff about my marriage and my love for my husband I’m going to let two songs do the talking:

“Home” by Phillip Phillips (our wedding song):
Hold on, to me as we go, as we roll down this unfamiliar road. And although this wave is stringing us along, just know you’re not alone, ’cause I’m going to make this place your home.

“Feel the Tide” by Mumford and Sons (one of “our songs”):
It’s you and I now, we can be alright, just hold onto what we know is true. You and I now, though it’s cold inside, feel the tide turning…

I think you get the picture: we’re in this together, I love him more than I can describe, and we always have each other’s backs. Done and done.

The Challenges
Welp, there isn’t enough time or space to go through the challenges of marriage but I’ll share some of the most relevant ones to me right now. My husband feels loved through food and while it seems like an easy enough thing to make happen, sometimes getting dinner on the table feels like running a marathon. While on my own I could eat hummus for dinner, in order to keep my marriage happy and healthy, I generally need to get dinner on the table even when it means sacrificing other errands, chores, or a workout class for me. It’s just one of those things, ya know?

Secondly, having a baby has presented all sorts of new challenges and I think the biggest one is that as a first time mom, I have experienced so many changes in the last 18 months (including pregnancy and now my daughter is 9 months), that my husband literally cannot relate to. He can be and is supportive of me but there’s no biological way for him to truly understand how I feel mentally, emotionally, and physically and that.is.hard. He is my go-to guy for everything and in this instance, we have had to accept that there are aspects of my life now that I sometimes need to turn to someone other than him to work through, which has been an adjustment.

I can continue with specifics but overall, it comes down to making choices, decisions, and compromises for another person even when you don’t want to. It is more challenging than I first realized to balance standing my ground with knowing that at the end of the day being right takes down the other person, the person I love most in the world. Years ago my husband and I were arguing about something, I can’t remember what, and my mom said to me, “Christie, I know. I get it. But in being right and ‘winning’ this argument means that he, your person, loses. And as much as you believe and know you’re right, is it worth him losing?” That is something I try to keep in mind when we have disagreements because disagreements are always going to be there but it’s how we work through them that make or break us. We are not perfect but I have one of those marriages where even when we argue I always know that “we’re fine.” If you have this, you know what I mean. Having the “we’re always fine” thing is our confidence in our foundation and I’m just not sure what I’d do without it.

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Change
So, we think it’s pretty obvious how your life changes when you get married. You go from doing what you want, when you want, to making decisions together, spending money together, bringing babies into the world together. Everything is suddenly about the togetherness! But not only does your life change when you get married but your marriage changes as your life changes. So.much.change. Sass is going through this now with her husband and learning how the marriage changes with having a kid. She is also learning what it means to have “married couple friends,” and how to balance the wild and crazy single nights out with Sweetness! But when it comes down to it, all of the change and all of the challenges are worth it for the marriage, for your friends, for your family, and for us as individuals!

So tell us what marriage means to you! What’s the secret sauce to making your marriage work? What is most challenging for you right now? Or what are you most looking forward to in marriage? Are you choosing not to get married? We want to hear from you! Leave a comment here or on our Instagram!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

 

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Dealing with Changes After a Breakup

Processed with VSCO with c3 presetAh breakups. The hardest part about a breakup is… well… everything. Whether it is for better or worse, breaking up and dealing with the after effects is definitely not easy, regardless of the situation. Though breakups are often thought of as negative, we do want to discuss how it can have a positive impact on you, even if you don’t see it right away. So we are sharing how the changes associated with a variety of different breakups can teach you lessons and change your life in a good way!

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So let’s look at this from a few different perspectives. Let’s say in the first scenario, you were just not that into the guy. You may be dating him for companionship or because it is “easy” or “safe” but you don’t see the long term with this person. Sooo you end it and think things will be all honky dory… and they’re not. You may feel sad because you are now alone, however you may also feel guilty that you hurt someone else’s feelings. Either way these are totally normal feelings, however in this situation you have to be a little selfish. If you weren’t truly happy with this person then it was the right decision to end things! You are the one that needs to make the appropriate changes to get what you want out of life. The feelings of loneliness will only be temporary and the guy you broke up with is a big boy and will move on… at some point. So in this situation it is important to tear off the bandaid and don’t settle!

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Next scenario… someone that you were really into broke up with you. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it sucks. It is okay to cry, mourn, deal with the pain. After the breakup happens, you are going to be reminded of this person all.the.time. You are going to compare other guys to him all.the.time. Do we want to lie and say oh it will be fine and easy?! Hell no! It is going to be straight up plain hard. But guess what?? There was a reason this happened. This was not meant to be and you will find out why one day, even if it’s in a few days, a year, or 10 years from now. And maybe you even know the reason why but you are trying to deny it in your head. Either way, some days will be hard, however when you keep busy and surround yourself with the ones that truly love and care about you, you will see that is how you should be treated all the time. The guy that you end up marrying will worship you and will want to be with you no matter what. So though this change is going to suck, trust us there’s plenty of benefits in the long run!

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The last scenario is probably the hardest. You are in a relationship that is not healthy and regardless of who makes the break, it won’t be an easy one. The feelings and changes you experience will go far beyond heartbreak. You may experience a loss in confidence or motivation. You may not feel like yourself and be hidden in your shell. You might not know how to live life without this person anymore, and we don’t mean in a good way. If you were in a relationship with someone that was controlling, jealous, or even abusive, there are unfortunately going to be a lot of after effects. Moving on from a relationship like this is tough and finding yourself again is even tougher. One of the best recommendations we can make is to start doing the things YOU enjoy. Do what made YOU happy before this relationship started or before it turned south. You will start to realize that you turned into a person that wasn’t you and you need to make sure you take care of yourself first! Also talking to someone is extremely helpful whether it be a professional or even just a friend! Making these small changes to get back to where you used to be are extremely important! You will find that you’ll become a much happier, healthier, and better version of yourself not being in an unhealthy relationship anymore.

We hope that you find some of these suggestions and reasons insightful! Whether it applies to you or someone you might know, it is most important to have support during a break up… but there’s always pizza too! So hold your heads up pretty ladies and start making small changes day by day – because you deserve to be treated like a queen!!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

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How Relationship Changes Affect your Life

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Processed with VSCO with c3 presetEnding and starting new relationships comes with a large amount of changes. Whether they are positive or negative changes, it’s crazy how others impact your life in so many ways. We have both experienced a lot of changes recently, especially in our romantic relationships and friendships. Some of the changes have been very good, others not so much. We are sharing how we are adapting and to let you know you are not alone!

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Sass:

Hola, Sass here! Change has become my middle name these past few years. After going to college in Washington, DC I decided to stay there for “a little while” until I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life. In that time, I met my now husband and “a little while” turned into 5 more years. After we got engaged in 2015, a short while later we relocated to Boston, MA. The year we spent in Boston was one of our best years yet! We didn’t know many people and had no family around so we spent a lot of quality time together. In the months leading up to our wedding, it was wonderful to have this alone time together and to learn that even when it’s just the two of us around we are very happy!

We got married in January 2017 and by April I was pregnant! Wah! So, we were then faced with a decision: do we stay in Boston where we’ve been very happy and jobs are great or do we move closer to family in time for the baby to arrive? Welp, you guessed it, we moved to NJ a year ago September to prepare for the baby. In moving to NJ, since we did it rather quickly, we moved in with my parents. It was enough being pregnant and moving, let alone pregnant, moving, and settling into a new house of our own so we decided to wait a bit. And then finally by January our baby girl was born and she is now 9 months.

So, just a couple of C-H-A-N-G-E-S recently, huh? In the last 3 years I have gone from single to engaged, from living in Washington, DC, Boston, MA, and now New Jersey. Engaged to married. Married and living in the perfect apartment in a little bubble with my husband to living with my parents and from a carefree 20-something to a nearly 30 year old with a baby! Oh and I almost forgot to mention that I went from a corporate job that I held for 5 years to now working from home. This is certainly the glossed over version but the dirty details of all of these changes are coming in the following posts this month. I’ll be sharing how all of these changes make me feel, how they affect my friendships and other relationships, and so much more.

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Sweetness:

Hey everyone, it’s Sweetness! One of the biggest changes I went through a little over a year ago was when my relationship with my fiance ended. It was (and sometimes still is) one of the hardest times in my life. I was so used to basically being his wife, living and sleeping with him, even working together with him. We had been together for 5 years and had been through sooo much together that it was tough to just wake up and not have this person in my life anymore.

He was my best friend, the person I turned to, the person that made me laugh. However, we had experienced a lot of trauma through our relationship and I had moved across the country to California to be with him. Being in a new state, with no friends or family of my own was very tough and because we didn’t always get along, it made everything so much more difficult. I was torn between wanting to make our relationship work, however also missed my family and friends back in New Jersey.

When I moved back to NJ, I was experiencing all of my own changes, however my friends were also going through changes, like marriage and babies! I was adapting to my new life, new job, and experiencing a different dynamic between me and my friends. They weren’t as “available” anymore and I often felt alone, like I was the only person going through this. These changes greatly impacted me emotionally and physically and I often felt it was tough to get by.

Now things have started to fall into place, but I would be lying if I said I don’t question if the decision I made was the right one. It’s funny how a negative change can also have a positive outcome. Have I fully seen the positive outcome yet? I don’t think so, however I have felt more like myself again and still hold on to the hope that things will turn out to be okay! As our “changes” blog posts continue, I will continue to share how I have been affected in a negative and positive way and hope that someone else out there that may be going through something similar doesn’t feel alone and can relate!

Friends, stay tuned this month! We’ll be sharing the details of the many changes we have both experienced over the last several years and what these changes mean for our futures! Make sure to let us know what you’re going through; it’s always nice to know there are women out there going through the same things!

Xo Sass and Sweetness

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