As life takes us on differents paths, it’s a crazy balancing act to try and stay in touch with your friends. People grow older, move to different states, get married, and have children and suddenly the timeline everyone was once on is no longer in sync. It’s funny because as kids you often think you will get married and have babies at the same time as your friends and then your babies will be best friends. However, that’s not always how life goes and not what we have experienced.
We both were in long term relationships at the same time and were able to have that in common. The trouble was that we were living in completely different parts of the country, California and Washington DC. It was tough to keep up with one another’s schedule and not to mention the 3 hour time difference! Sass would try and call Sweetness on her drive home from work, however it was the middle of the day for Sweetness. And talk about trying to get together! We always had to coordinate when we would be back in NJ at the same time or we would only see each other during the holidays or for some event.
So this is where the story and paths got different. Sass ended up getting engaged and married. Sweetness got engaged, but unfortunately that relationship ended and she is now single. Sass also recently had a baby, which has added another “difference” to the equation. So now we have one married with a baby friend and 1 single friend trying to maintain their relationship with each other and figure out this new way of life. So how do we handle being on two different ends of the spectrum? We’ve shared our own personal views below.
Hey everyone, Sweetness here! So as you read above, I am currently single after being in a long term relationship. I’ve experienced moving across the country, changing jobs, being a bridesmaid several times over, and dealing with this new single life of mine all while my friends have continued on with married life. Do I feel lonely at times? Yes… actually more than usual. The reason though is not because I am single. It is not because I don’t have someone that I am dating – it is honestly because my friends now have their own significant others and I feel like I can’t go to them like I used to. But wait – it’s not because they’ve done anything to make me feel that way. It’s honestly a subconscious feeling that I get in my own head about (because trust me I know Sass would love to go out any chance she gets!)
To further explain, I think it is because we are all in different stages of life so it’s hard to figure out who is feeling what. I don’t want to be a burden on them or to make them feel “bad” for me. There are times where I might get upset because of my situation and although I know I can call them, I don’t always want to because I know they have their own responsibilities to deal with. From this, I feel our relationship has gotten closer but also further. We are getting further away from having commonalities, however we are getting closer because we are more mature and can have very candid conversations.
Trust me, I am happy for my friends and again trust me I want to get married and have like 10,000 babies, but for now, this is the stage we are all in. I’m sure once I do get married and have babies then our relationship will take an even different turn! We will be asking for one another’s advice about diaper rash and complaining about how our husband’s never pick up their socks. But for now, it’s trying to balance our friendship in these two completely different stages and schedules.
Hi friends! So as you know, if you’ve been keeping up with our posts, I am the first of our core group of friends to have baby. In fact, I was also the first to get engaged and married. And I know what you might be thinking, “Wowwww, Sass, your life is SO hard. Is your wallet too small for your fifties and are your diamond shoes too tight??” [Friends reference, duh] but it has not always been a smooth sailing road. Because I am the first to take these steps, I am sometimes left out of the single and/or baby-less lifestyle I used to lead with my friends. When my friends decide on a whim to have a girl’s night out, not only do I need a babysitter but it means leaving my husband at home. Or how about when I was pregnant, the last thing I wanted to do was pop bottles at Wicked Wolf (a sports bar in Hoboken, NJ) on Sunday to watch football but it meant being “left out” of the day. Now, to make it very clear, I was not purposefully being “left out” but the FOMO was the same!
It’s tough because I never want to complain about having a husband and a baby because in the grand scheme these are obviously people and decisions about life that mean everything to me, but as Sweetness said, for most of our lives up to this point, we’ve been in the same stage on the same timeline. Now we are all over the place and have aspects of our lives that we can’t understand fully about each other. I believe this is where some friendships fall off but when you have true, meaningful, OG friends like ours we push through. We have open and honest conversations that may still not make it so that we can fully relate but we can do our best and be there for each other all the same.
Xo Sass and Sweetness